The only country in world history that has a war record of 1-15. With their only war won being the French Revolution, which by a happy chance was a war composed of only French on both sides. Which in theory means that they both lost and won the French Revolution, so if I was an asshole I could say the French have never in history won a legitament war that was against any formidable opponent. By the way, in America if you don't finish first your last. So.....ties don't count.
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States Entering the war late -ed.. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
#french #french war #losers #almost #french fries #war #defeat #failure #could have been #so close #maybe next time
by abuttfuckingweinerlover March 10, 2009
Cheese eating surrender monkeys
"I now declare France ours!"

"Very well, could you please just let me finish this cheese.."
#surrender #monkey #cheese #french #fail
by FrenchBasedFail March 26, 2009
A washed up meth head stripper with a huge hairy mole on her arm.
Looks like Frances forgot to comb her mole before her pole performance.
#skank #meth mole #old stripper #gash #dick holster
by crownsworth January 07, 2012
Capital: Paris, 48°52′N, 2°19.59′E
Official Language: French
Demonym: French

Government: Unitary semi-presidential republic
- President: Nicolas Sarkozy (UMP)
- Prime Minister: François Fillon (UMP)

- French State: 843 (Treaty of Verdun)
- Current constitution: 1958 (5th Republic)

EU Accession: March 25, 1957

- Total: 674,843 km² (40th), 260,558 sq. mi

Population: 64,473,1405 (20th)

World's leading exporter of faggotry.
Contrary to popular belief, France's greatest contribution to the world has not been art, cuisine, or wine. It has, in fact, been faggotry.
#country #government #homosexual #gay #fag
by King Slim July 10, 2008
Incase of war

The country that usually turns around and takes it in the ass...
Fredrick: Hey look an invading army of 10 Germans, attacking our France military base of 10,000 men!

Announcement Fredrick: Allrighytz guys you know the drill, bend over and pull down your pants
#french #frans #fraknks #ass #turn #over
by Vivavidum July 24, 2008
Natural habitat of the surrender monkey.
France was just one big safari, surrender monkies as far as the eye could see.

Look at that cute surrender monkey smoking and eating cheese!
#paris #europe #surrender monkey #cheese #wine #smoking #stinky #fubar
by Couturedevoiture October 16, 2009
A country that was once a close ally of America, but is looked down on in America currently. Has fallen out of favor in America and Europe(I believe. I cannot say for sure, as I am not European) for not playing an active role in the War on Terrorism, and a few times, even hindering the fight.

Other than that, the French are well known for consuming much expensive, or exotic(to Americans) foods, having a country that is in surprisingly good shape, and being remarkably unmotivated fighters.
Despite being hated in America, France isn't THAT bad.
by A. Person November 26, 2004
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