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69.
The only country in world history that has a war record of 1-15. With their only war won being the French Revolution, which by a happy chance was a war composed of only French on both sides. Which in theory means that they both lost and won the French Revolution, so if I was an asshole I could say the French have never in history won a legitament war that was against any formidable opponent. By the way, in America if you don't finish first your last. So.....ties don't count.
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States Entering the war late -ed.. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
by abuttfuckingweinerlover March 10, 2009
 
64.
a land where the legal age for sex is 7 and consensual sex is illegal as rape is more difficult because theyre all pussies. most french men would be easily twatted by a 7 year old girl, its lucky they dont have girls. Men walk ROUND WITH BAGUETTES UP THEIR ARSES and and their cum smells strongly of garlic and takes up most of the english channel.
Zinedines in prison again, probably the many years of multiple garcon rape. STAY IN FUCKING FRANCE NEXT TIME
by zinedine garlicsson December 31, 2010
 
65.
A European country generally know as the asshole of the planet. It's dirty, smelly and filled with shit.
Jean-Guy: "Viva La France!"
Mike: "Fuck France you piece of shit!"
by ferg116 October 20, 2010
 
66.
smelly, frog fucking, country of filth
randomdude: hey wanna go to france? i got 2 tickets!!

me: u fucking idiot *throws grenade*
by lambogod August 07, 2009
 
67.
A washed up meth head stripper with a huge hairy mole on her arm.
Looks like Frances forgot to comb her mole before her pole performance.
by crownsworth January 07, 2012
 
68.
Cheese eating surrender monkeys
"I now declare France ours!"

"Very well, could you please just let me finish this cheese.."
by FrenchBasedFail March 26, 2009
 
70.
Incase of war

The country that usually turns around and takes it in the ass...
Fredrick: Hey look an invading army of 10 Germans, attacking our France military base of 10,000 men!

Announcement Fredrick: Allrighytz guys you know the drill, bend over and pull down your pants
by Vivavidum July 24, 2008