The only country in world history that has a war record of 1-15. With their only war won being the French Revolution, which by a happy chance was a war composed of only French on both sides. Which in theory means that they both lost and won the French Revolution, so if I was an asshole I could say the French have never in history won a legitament war that was against any formidable opponent. By the way, in America if you don't finish first your last. So.....ties don't count.
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.
- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States Entering the war late -ed.. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
France is a country that fought side by side with Americans on American soil during the American war of independence. Also, the counrty that built and gave as a gift the greatest symbol of America, the Statue of Liberty.
A country where people work 35 hour weeks and have two months paid leave a year.
Is the world's 4th largest economy.
Is a country with strong cultural and traditional values.
Is a county with arguably the best food and drink in the world.
A country with second-to-none public systems - TGV (train), education, healthcare.
A country that smokes and drinks more wine than Britain and America and has a fraction of the heart disease and obesity rate.
A country full of charming, well-dressed people who do respond well when not approached by tactless English-speaking philistines.
A country full of beautiful architecture and art.
At least visit the place!
Don't knock it until you've tried it. I have been there two times, and my brother now has lived there for over a year. All the negative stereotypes are untrue, the people there are clean and friendly. And the positive stereotypes are true, they have a great culture, wine, food, etc. You can't say that France is a bad country unless you have firsthand experience. So to all of you rednecks, please, sell your trailer and visit this beautiful country so you can realize that you're just jealous of the French, you don't hate them.
Redneck- France is full of a bunch of smelly assholes!!!
Me- How would you know? You live in a trailer and watch CMT all day... get a life.
A country whose soldiers marched row by row into German machine gun fire in the beginning of World War 1. 500, 000 French soldiers died this way in The Great War. This is the same country that is ridiculed today for having a 'cowardly' military history.
God bless the French.
Very beautiful and nice country with a rich culture. I went to France and the stereotypes are untrue. The French are friendly and clean. Most are very chic and chill. A lot of ignorant Americans forget that the French gave us the of America: the Statue of Liberty (D'oh!). It's also a country that gave us troops in the revolution. Most French haters are also Bush supporters who haven't even been to France (most likely because they can't afford it)... why bash what you don't know?
Person 1: I hate France. It's full of smelly ugly pussys. F'ing traitors!
Person 2: You've never even been to France. How would you know? Why don't you step outside your trailer for some fresh air? Also, put down the Toby Keith CD!
Known to many redneck Americans as a terrified country just because they didn’t agree with Bush. I don’t agree with Bush, does that make me a scared coward? So before you hicks start condemning France, go read a history book. You’ll be surprised how much France has given us and helped us, from our very beginning.
I think Bush is retarded, I guess I’m cowardly Frenchmen too, eh?
France- smart country that didn’t want to get involved in our stupid war.
America- country lead by retard and hicks that think everyone who disagrees with them are cowards.
1) A Western European nation. Located slightly beneath Britain, in most or all senses.
2) Produces nice wine.
3) Produces nice cheese.
4) Produces shedloads of nuclear weapons, which are happily tested on small Pacific atolls home to endangered species of fish and pygmies.
5) The number one source of irritation for the rest of Europe. This manages to go unnoticed by many Americans, who assume the continent is a single amorphous blob.
6) Also the number one source of contention for the United States, having replaced the Soviet Union.
7) Has an annoying accent.
8) Dislikes British beef. This, as theory and experiment have shown, is due to France's argumentative and overly vegetarian wussiness and has nothing whatsoever to do with life-threatening brain disease.
9) Dislikes Germany, for invading it repeatedly and being German.
10) Dislikes Britain for constant warfare, political disagreement and out of habit.
11) Dislikes the United States for its competition in the 'irritating accents' league table and also for having more nuclear weapons and cheese than France.
12) Dislikes.... well, most things, actually.
13) Is a thoroughly splendid country.
14) Is filled with thoroughly un-splendid French people.
"Oh hell. France has blocked the channel tunnel again."