Flying Spaghetti Monster
The lord, converting a commoner to the cause
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism holds that The FSM created everything with His Noodly Appendage. Also The FSM is keeping his identity secret by making Evolution look like such a scientific certainty.
The creator of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism has written an open letter to the Kansas School Board so that it will be taught alongside Intelligent Design and Evolution. He has also started a fund to pursue this through legal action if necessary. Or buy himself a boat, whichever comes first.
No other monsters can be worshiped before Him (after is fine, just use protection).
The only Monster deserving of capitalization, other monsters are inferior to Him, unworthy of capitalization.
Even Christians have accepted that He has more balls than their god.
His first and most holy disciples were the pirates, who
(contrary to what the old age Christians would tell you) traveled the world and gave children candy.
Unfortunately, the number of pirates are shrinking, causing global warming and other natural disasters to rise.
Some places still have pirates, like Somalia, which has the lowest carbon emissions of any country, coincidence?
He, in His infinite wisdom, created the Eight "I'd really rather you didn't s", the holy tenets of the Pastafarian religion.
For example: "I'd really rather you didn't build multimillion-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to His Noodly Goodness when the money could be better spent ending poverty, curing diseases, living in peace, loving with passion and lowering the cost of cable."
When one dies, they will be with Him in heaven, along with a Stripper factory and a Beer Volcano.
"If you don't like us, your old religion will most likely take you back."-Bobby Henderson
Sue: "Yeah I believe in the Flying Spaghetti monster!"