The hell-hole I live in. The place where if you can't get a job at McD's, you decide to become a cop. The place that that moron George W's brother is governor. The place where Jeb Bush could not answer a math question that was on the 10th grade FCAT (standardized test). The place where there are very few smart people. The most popular place for hurricanes to hit in the country. The place where old people come to die. The place where spring-break kids come and party, get busted by the idiot cops, and then never leave. The place with beautiful beaches and morons on them.
The place that is inhabited by Spanish-speaking people, MORONS, more morons, idiot cops, old people who can't drive, spring break kids who can't drive, more morons, cops who break the law every day, more morons, some rednecks (like me), and VERY few intelligent people (like me).
This is the place that George W. originally said he "didn't need", but then had his brother steal it for him even thought Gore won the popular vote. The place where all the morons live, and the smart people can't find a way out because the idiots hinder their every move.
Also called the Sunshine state, although it rains almost every day.
Also called Hell's waiting room.
1:"Hi, I'd like to work here."
2:"What's your IQ?"
2:"Sorry, you can't work at McDonalds. Why don't you try the police station down the street?"
1:"I have to go to Florida to visit my grandparents."
2:"I love you, man. I'll see ya in heaven."
1:"Did you take the FCAT?"
2:"No, I'm a Bush. I don't have to."
"Do you speak English?"
Cop:"Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"
Cop:"Awww, dammit. I thought one of us would know. Oh, well. You ran a red light, okay? We'll say you ran a red light. Here's your ticket."
"What's our nation's capital?"
"What do you want to do today?"
"Ooh, let's play Bingo! I haven't done that since I had a heart attack last time I won! That was almost two months ago!"
"Oh, these beaches are beautiful."
"Yeah, will you still think so Tuesday?"
"What happens Tuesday?"
"That's when the hurricane is gonna hit."
"I got a 340 on the SAT!"
"Wow! That's good! I only got a 420!"
The godforsaken Sunshine State renowned for weather and beaches. Florida is noteworthy for having no discernible season changes. Well-known for its subpar education system, Florida is home to Florida State University
, a party school known for its football team and its acceptance of anyone who has a pulse and can spell his or her own name correctly. The population here is an amalgam of inhabitants from elsewhere; if you wish to find a retired New Yorker, go to any one of Boca Raton's 5,000 retirement communities; if you want to find a Latino/Hispanic
/person whose first language is Spanish, turn around. Florida is a geographic anomaly in that the farther north you travel, the more Southern it seems (and sounds like), and the farther south you go, the more it seems like Cuba (as evidenced by the Little Havana area of Miami
). Still, Florida, as a whole, is without an easily recognizable dialect. All place names here are either of Spanish (Punta Gorda, Boca Ciega) or Native American (Tallahassee, Econolockhatchee River) origin, or contain the word "orange" in them. Florida decor has inexplicably come to mean "a seafoam green and pink couch with a watercolor pelican painting." Floridians are not known for good taste; also missing are driving skills, especially in the frequent rain, and voting know-how.
-"Florida's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here."
-"Bah! Go back to New York, you snowbird
Florida: The state for the newly-wed and the nearly-dead.
AKA: God's waiting room.
A state with two seasons... Summer and January 14th.
I went to Florida for Christmas break... It felt like I was there for SPRING Break.
The only state in the country where the further north you go, the further south you get. Also a lovely place to retire.
If I retire rich, I will probably live in or around Miami, but if I retire poor, I'll probably retire up North near the panhandle, in a trailor, with my dog Rufus. someone kill me
Homer simpson: We can't go to Florida... thats America's wang! *points at the dick-like state of Florida*
The only state in the U.S. where the number of natural disasters in a year is more than the number of smart politicians.
Hurricanes or morons? People of Florida have to pick their poison, sometimes even both.
The most disposable "rapper" in the history of music.
Hey Bobby, what's a seven letter word for human excrement?