|1.||Fat Man's Cupholder|
While you're doing your bitch or significant other in the anus, slyly replace your penis with larger and larger cylindrical objects until you can easily slide in a can of soda. At this point, you no longer need to hold your soda.
I got tired while boning you and had to set my drink down, but we don't have one of those mattreses that doesn't transfer energy, you know like in those commercials with the wine glass and the lady, yeah so I had to stuff it in your ass like a fat man's cupholder or something. Gosh that's a catchy name... anyway, so how about you and me hop down to the Canadian mattress and proctology imporium for all of our medical and bed needs.