The erectus trouserius, or trouser snake, is the world's most dangerous creature.
Fangless, it averages between five and nine inches, depending on the honesty of its owner.
It normally appears in bedrooms, but can often be found in unusual places.
Its venemous spit can cause swelling that lasts nine months.
"Are you pregnant?"
"No, I was attacked by a highly venemous creature called erectus trouserius."