Elves as described by the Dwarves

Elves are smelly, stuck-up, arrogant tree-fondling hippies dedicated to the protection of their concept of nature (focused on trees).

Elven caravans arrive in late spring. During trade, elves will not accept wood, wooden items or any goods decorated with wood.

Elves will, however, gladly trade you their own wooden items. They will not, however, accept their wooden items back. Bunch of hypocritical bastards.

Elven ethics often differ from those of other races. They are likely to be friendly with dwarves, at least until they cut down too many trees. Elves are the only race which wholeheartedly accepts devouring enemy combatants. History shows that an elven combatant will sometimes devour the other person they were fighting when they win. However elves refuse to butcher and consume intelligent beings. Elves find torturing as an example acceptable. To elves, keeping any trophy of any kind is an unthinkable act. Elves allow for killing animals when done in self-defense, and the killing of other elves by an elf is justified if there is an extremely good reason. For elves, the killing of plants is unthinkable. On the other hand, the killing of neutral beings and enemies is acceptable. Elves never offer capital punishment to criminals; instead, elves found to have committed petty crimes are reprimanded, while those convicted of treason, breaking oaths, or participating in slavery are exiled.

A race of long lived or immortal beings known for their grace and beauty. They have a natural affinity for magic and nature and a propencity for shagging and 'nancying'. A little known fact is that elves who are born physically imperfect are sent to hidden mines deep in the earth where they work ceaselessly to keep their lovely brethren hip deep in the rarest of commodities- the natural sequin.

Super sexy blondes with pointy ears
Everlasting life usually rangers
Literaly down to earth (only woodland)
Girls love 'em
They are very peacful
And they love lembas bread


Short light weight weapons used
Daggers knives (for otakus) kunai
Bow and arrow
Light long swords

Elves

Humanoids with pointy ears who got drunk and would molest Dwarves in the Mines of Moria of the 1st Age of the parallel dimension and world of ours called Middle Earth. They operated from years 5012MD "Mordor Domoni" to 108AM "Anno Mordor". It's unclear why Elves did this but it became a part of Elfish drinking games. 89% of Dwarves were unwilling to allow their ass hole to get sodomized so Elves came up with darts to shoot Dwarves to send them into a sexual ecstacy.

Most of Middle Earth knew the savage acts of the Elves but were unwilling to stop it for fear of open war. Gondor and Rohan were both allies with the Elves and Dwarves but it was a can they didn't want to open. Many Dwarves died during the cruel era called the Stank Mines. The biggest cause of death were exploded rectums causing anal seepage, which in turn led to bacteria infections. The Elves had no remorse.

The Dwarves finally rose up and revolted. Most Elves died due to being allergic to axe handles being thrusted up their anus. This gave coining to the phrase "You rip what you sow", ass holes that is.

midget Elvis Presley impersonators.
mini, or miniature Elvis impersonators.