Edward Cullen:

What do *I* say to that? Well, for starters, he's--most arguably--the oldest virgin in the history of the oldest virgins every recorded. Somehow, I can't understand how he has pale skin but goes into the sun and fucking SPARKLES. How the fuck do you sparkle with pale skin? I'm pretty sure even that Count Dracula himself can't answer that...

Anywho, as Bella may see him as "kind", "caring", "stubborn"... Poor girl. For an "intelligent" person, you sure are one DUMB retard. Edward is ABUSIVE! He is insecure, Bella! Look it up!

Who the hell watches you sleep at night(and you don't even know the motherfucker, either)? Who the hell contemplates suicide when he can't have the one he loves?


Anywho, seeing as Edward Cullen is the prettiest "vampire" EVER, I suppose fangirls would take an immediate disliking to this. (Like I give a damn...)

Anyway, Edward lives out his pathetically "gorgeous" life with his vampire lover/toy Bella and their daughter, the spawn of satan, Rene-- ...I give up trying to pronounce her name.
Retarded Fangirl: Like OMG! Twilight has a happy ending! Edward Cullen issofuckinghotlikeOMGIcan'ttakeitanymore!

Sensible Person: Yeah, uh...Shut the hell up.
by Infinite Structure April 27, 2009
a fictional vampire that makes pretty much every girl ages 12-21 wet whenever his name comes up.

the main male protagonist of the very overrated twilight series
Annoying girl: OMG Edward Cullen is so hott, stephenie meyer is so awesome lolol!!!!

Random Dude: Oh jesus, thats the 17th girl that ive heard babbling about edward in the last hour
by Dr.Jester December 16, 2008
Edward Cullen is a 108 year-old virgin who sparkles. You do the math.
Guy 1: Dude is that Edward Cullen?
Guy 2: Yeah it is.
Guy 1: Isn't he a virgin?
Guy 2: Yeah, and he's 108
Guy 1: Wow, he has some serious issues to work out
by ohwaoerujlk October 25, 2009
Also known as Discoball, Sparkles, The Living Bottle Of Body Glitter, The Fanged Pixie, etc, for obvious reasons.
A "vampire" from Twilight, the novel by Stephanie Meyer.
Sparkles when light hits him. Can't really die, so he occupies his life by psuhing Bella infront of a bus and then saving her.
108 year old virgin. Listens to horrible music. Wears bodyglitter. Basically a homo with fangs that rarely seem to show. Makes a living mockery of real honest-to-goodness vampires like Dracula.
Most girls would describe him as sexy, hot, etc, etc. Why, no one knows. But no one really wants to know what goes on inside a fangirl's head. Its been known that some girls actually dump their boyfriends from not sparkling when they hit them with a flashlight.
To sum it up, a homo who eats poor innocent animals and basically isnt real.
Jenny: Oh, gosh! Its Edward Cullen!

Bob: No, its not, you deranged fangirl. It's just a dragqueen in a halloween costume. Sheesh.


Frying Pan: Hey, Potroast.

Potroast: Yes?

Frying Pan: We're halfway over the Pacific Ocean by now, arent we?

Potroast: That we are.

Frying Pan: Well, since I left my blender that not only dices, purees, and blends, but also spits fire at home, hows about we chuck Edward Cullen out the emergency hatch?

Potroast: He's on this flight?

Frying Pan: Yep. We bring him everywheres just so we can torture him, remember?

Potroast: Oh, right. Well... I suppose I should go get the leg of mutton. It's safe to knock him unconscious with it since he doesnt eat food.

Frying Pan: Right. I'll scout out the area with the most sharks.

by RuannaTheRipper March 30, 2009
A vampire from stephenie meyer's twilight. He is in an adopted family with his father Carlisle, his mother Esme, his sisters Rosalee and Alice, and his two brothers, Jasper and Emmett. Edward is stuck with many problems every day being in love with Bella swan for he thrirsts for her blood yet he has saved her many times. He cares for bella more than anything else in the world.
"Bella." he stroked my face anxiously. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me."
"Do you swear you won't leave me?" I whispered.
He put his hands on either side of my face close to mine. His eyes were wide and serious. "I swear".

(Passage from twilight with edward cullen and bella swan)
by Emolly November 25, 2006
Probably the worst Vampire ever to grace the pages of a book. Character is dull, boring, doesn't do much except fall in love with some human that he's afraid to bite. In other words, not a real Vampire, but more of a handsome school boy who simply falls for the ''new girl''. Not even in the ranking of the greatest Vampire in history. Nothing compared to Vampires such as Count Dracula and other legendary Vampiric figures. Nothing more than a love sick pretty boy.
Read Twilight to learn more of Edward Cullen. Enough said.
by XCountXDraculaX March 26, 2009
A fictional character in Stephenie Meyer's novel series Twilight. He is a vampire with the ability to read minds with the exception of Bella Swan.

Not only is he the world's oldest virgin, he is also the world's oldest pedophile.

Many girls within the 12-15 age range, are infatuated with him, and have created this need for the "perfect" boy whom also happens to be a vampire. Once they realize that no such boy exist, they start to believe that Edawrd Cullen is real, and read the book more than 2 times, to help push the idea further, along with their insanity.
Beth - OMG!!!!!! I am TOTALLY going to marry EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!!! We are TOTALLY made for each other!!!!!!!!!

Allie - You're in love with a guy who doesn't even EXIST? Have fun trying to marry your book....
by adome March 26, 2009

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