71
A sissy, pathetic and lame excuse for a vampire. What was once a well respected and feared, truly evil creature of nightmare has now been turned into a bleeding vagina symbol of puberty, vanity and Hot Topic. He is an incredibly two-demensional and skin deep character who's only thought process is "I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella, etc...". I will never forgive Stephenie Meyer for this attrocity. Bram Stoker must be turning in his grave.

Sorry to burst you wet dream bubble you emo, vampire-wanabes, but Edward has so many undateable qualities about him I thought I'd list a few.

1. He sparkles like glitter. Last time I checked straight men didn't do that.

2. He can't get a boner: Boners are caused when the spongy tissue (not a muscle) of the penis fills with warm, circulating blood. Edward's heart does not pump blood throughout his system as he is dead, and therefore it is not logical for him to get a boner. In lamen's terms, Edward has a permanent softy. At least now we know why he won't screw Bella despite the fact that she is whorishly throwing herself at him.

3. He is old. 107 years old I believe. Even though you have probably heard this argument before, you probably have not thought about the fact that being this old probably makes him a racist, a sexist, a communist and every other -ist that I can think of.

4. Finally, the guy is DEAD! What the hell is wrong with you? You necrophiliacs.
Girl with down syndrome: OMG EDWARD CULLEN IS SOOO HAWT. I TOTALLY LOVE HIM AND I WANT TO MARRY HIM. HE IS GORGEOUS AND HAS NO FLAWS. YATTI YATTI YATTA, BLAH BLAH BLAH etc etc etc

Me: there goes another one of god's disappointments.
by Bzzzzzzz January 28, 2011
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72
1. A shiny, pedophile version of a vampire who neither sleeps in coffins OR turn into a bat or bat-like liquid.

2. A female version of hentai, except without the pictures.
Rick: "That Edward Cullen, man..."

Roll: "I know! He could get beat by Herman Munster!"
by TheBatFunk June 27, 2010
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73
Non-existent, yet worshiped as some kind of god by the strange subspecies of humans we have come to known as "fangirls".
Fangirl: OMG!!! EDWARD CULLEN IS SOOOO HAWT!

Human: He doesn't even exist.

Fangirl: HE DOES IN MY HEART!!

Human: Keep dreaming, fangirl. We will never understand you and your people.
by Mr.Sacman May 02, 2009
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74
a gay snowman often mistaken for a 'vampire'. is also a sparkly rapist/stalker who dreams of eating his idiot girlfriend, bella. created by mentally insane woman named stephanie meyer, who obviously forgot her meds when she created him
I saw some sparkly rapist pretending to eat his girlfriend the other day" "Oh, it was probably Edward Cullen.
by gryffindorseeker816 December 18, 2010
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75
THE hottest fictional character ever created by Stephenie Meyer.

He has mesys bronze hair, super-pale skin that sparkles in the sunlight, and is really tall. He's super strong, super fast, and above all, a vegetarian vampire!
'You are /exactly/ my brand of heroin.' -Edward Cullen
by Fuji-chan June 10, 2008
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76
A) An overprotective creep.

B)Someone who needs to go to the tanning booth/ not wear makeup.
"This one Edward Cullen tried to save me from a speeding van the other day!"
by throughthefire391 February 28, 2010
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77
That gay fairy's Edward Cullen.
by Hentai666 July 01, 2010
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