Edward Scissortoes describes someone's freakishly overgrown toenails. Not only do they look disgusting, they are highly dangerous. The most common injury from Edward Scissortoes occurs when two people get into bed, the one about to be injured is unaware of the danger lurking under the covers. Then, in an attempt at affection, the offender (Mr. Edward Scissortoes) rubs his foot along his partners leg and leaves a gaping gash. A good indication that someone may have Edward Scissortoes is 1. If they never take there socks off without the lights off 2. They already have poor hygeine 3. You notice odd holes at the ends of your partners socks while doing laundry.
Woman: Lets go to bed.
Man: Okay, turn the lights off so I can get undressed.
Woman: I love you.
Man: I lov.....
Woman: WTF, You just sliced my leg open!
Man: Sorry, I didn't know how to tell you I have Edward Scissortoes.
Woman: Well, we're taking you to the Farrier tomorrow.
(A Farrier is someone who grooms horse hoofs)