Edward Cullen:

What do *I* say to that? Well, for starters, he's--most arguably--the oldest virgin in the history of the oldest virgins every recorded. Somehow, I can't understand how he has pale skin but goes into the sun and fucking SPARKLES. How the fuck do you sparkle with pale skin? I'm pretty sure even that Count Dracula himself can't answer that...

Anywho, as Bella may see him as "kind", "caring", "stubborn"... Poor girl. For an "intelligent" person, you sure are one DUMB retard. Edward is ABUSIVE! He is insecure, Bella! Look it up!


Who the hell watches you sleep at night(and you don't even know the motherfucker, either)? Who the hell contemplates suicide when he can't have the one he loves?

...Right.

Anywho, seeing as Edward Cullen is the prettiest "vampire" EVER, I suppose fangirls would take an immediate disliking to this. (Like I give a damn...)

Anyway, Edward lives out his pathetically "gorgeous" life with his vampire lover/toy Bella and their daughter, the spawn of satan, Rene-- ...I give up trying to pronounce her name.
Retarded Fangirl: Like OMG! Twilight has a happy ending! Edward Cullen issofuckinghotlikeOMGIcan'ttakeitanymore!

Sensible Person: Yeah, uh...Shut the hell up.
by Infinite Structure April 27, 2009

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A psycho who goes into girls bedrooms to watch them sleep. May or may not sparkle.
"This guy is a total Edward Cullen! Crept into my room again last night!"
by Bella :T December 29, 2008

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A male in Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight" series.

Often the focus of female teenage trend-follower's wet dreams. How can they not? I mean... he goes into the sun and... SPARKLES! "Yum?"

Right, then.

Overall, a "perfect guy" made by a female writer that appeals heavily to young women or teens. The only reason that he makes me happy, is because it sets each and every fan girl up for a large amount of disappointment when they meet a real man.

Enjoy, Twilight fan-girls. Please be sure to write juicy comments.

P.S.: Please do use proper spelling and grammar when responding. It isn't nice to give people headaches.
My girlfriend is currently trying to remove my nipple for trying to post this entry on the fag, Edward Cullen.

Ow! My Edward Colon!
by OwMyNipple September 03, 2008

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1. FICTIONAL sparkly pansy vampire whose only purpose of being is to drop the panties of any girl dumb enough to actually think this fuck is romantic and sexy.

2. Stephanie Meyer's dream man. She fucks him in her sleep because she doesn't get enough loving from her family.

3. Abusive vampire thing who is apparently made of stone or marble or some sort of beautiful white rock.
1. OH EDWARD CULLEN, TAKE ME NOW BECAUSE I'M 13 AND STUPID!!!1!!1ONEONEONE!!11!1!1

2. Stephanie Meyer: TAKE ME NOW, EDWARD CULLEN! MARRY ME!!!!

3. Guy: "How'd you get that bruise?"
Twitard: "I was reading Twilight and I was just so turned on by Edward Cullen that I just HAD to bruise myself too! He's cold like marble, you know."
Guy: ".....I'm not fucking you ever."
by NinjaK September 05, 2008

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A fictional character, and primary love interest of the first person narrator Isabella Swan in Stephenie Meyer's 'Twilight' series.

He lives in Forks, Washington.

He is a Meyerpire, a being that suffers from a psychosis leading him to believe he is a 'vampire'.

A one hundred and eight year old virgin (until the latest installment 'Breaking Dawn'), he is trapped in the body of a seventeen year old boy, sparkles in the sunlight, has the ability to move super fast (despite the fact that he is described as 'marble-like') and has a wide variety of 'speshul' powers.

He is adored by teenage girls and Catholic priests alike, and is so 'perfect' in every way that he actually shits flowers.

He later becomes the father of Renesmee (Affectionately referred to as 'Nessie' and 'Renestard'), a half-Meyerpire, half-human hybrid who is also 'perfect' and is imprinted on by the self-styled Pedo-Wolf Jacob Black.

He is often used as a reference for unimpressive or ‘pussy’ vampires, despite the fact that he is not in fact a vampire.

See also: Stalker.
"I like glitter... does that make me gay?"

"If you're Edward Cullen."
by Sayer of Many Truths December 21, 2008

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Basically a lifeless vampire that brain washes 13 year old girls into thinking hes real. And he sparkles, but only in the sunlight.
Edward: I'm Edward Cullen and I sparkle in the sunlight.

Jacob: bark bark.
by Rickiyson December 21, 2008

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A vampire that many girls see as the perfect guy. GET A LIFE, hes from a fiction book. and besides, if a vampire named edward does turn up one day, were guna blow the livin sh*t outa him. not addore him for feeding off livestock.
Girl: Edward Cullen makes my heart beat soare.
Guy: Um, yea, right.......
by wheredtheygo September 14, 2008

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every boyfriend's nightmare
Girlfriend: You know, Edward Cullen would never do that
Boyfriend: ?!
by Pink_TeaCupss February 21, 2009

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