On a summer night right before the dinosaurs became extinct, J.A.M (better known as Jesus Abraaham and Muhammad) were all walking around throughout the world in search of things to do. Abraham was bored and bet Jesus $50 that Jesus could not light one of his farts on fire. Jesus agreed and Muhaammad lit the fire. Jesus ate 7 pounds of chimichangas at once and felt the gas coming on. All of a sudden, Jesus ripped the biggest squeaker the world has ever known and wiped out the dinosaurs. Now J.A.M were left with nothing to do and started genetically altering monkeys. 3 of the first human prototypes were Michael Cotchikov Damore, Andrew Trotsky Diaz and John Chekmoninov Driscoll. These 3 'humans' became the backbone for the start of the human civilization and formed the glorious nation of Driscamoreolliaz, the first communist nation, in 10 A.D. J.A.M, having the same religious beliefs, instilled the rules and laws of the land of Driscamoreolliaz. They knew this may be a problem for the people to understand, so they formed a gigantic shield around the city and did not allow anyone in until 1010,(their 1000th year as a city) when Damore, Diaz, and Driscoll agreed to sacrifice the wonderful lives they were having for the right to live on the land. For years and years, J.A.M taught D.D.D the rules and commandments of the land. There were only two which were: 1. be faithful and honest to those who show you a good time. 2. dont kill anyone unless they pray to a different god than you.(These were written down on a sheet of paper but Moses lost it so he had to improvise. God got mad. Made him wonder the desert for 40 years.) Anyways, back to D.D.D who were living life to the fullest after J.A.M left to play texas hold'em with God and the Devil. While living, D.D.D met a man named James Facetador Bouhuys and they became good friends. D.D.D promissed their new pal that if they got bored and wanted to go play hold'em with J.A.M and company, that James would be left in charge. Unfortunately, James Facetador got nailed in the face with a door when he went up to J.A.M and company to ask him a question. J.A.M, knowing that he was coming, held the door when he tried to open it. When he pulled as hard as he could, J.A.M let go and James was nailed in the face with the Gold plated door. The brain of James could not handle the gold plated door and it smithered his brain into liquid hot "MAGMA". His brain exploded, magma leaked out his nose, and it was not pretty. So D.D.D decided to rule Driscamoreolliaz as the communist nation it was sought out to be. But people naturally did not like communism and they were known as REPUBLICANS. Throughout the time of the Confederate Raiders football franchise, both Medusa Manyiscalcao and Marcus Aureilas Fellowias disputed D.D.D's claim to the land. They fought a gruesome battle where over 500 million people lost their lives. Things were looking bright for D.D.D as they slayed Manyiscalcao and Fellowias's greatest general Stevenus Peechinkitus, better known as the Satire Denyier. However, as time progressed, Fellowias unleashed his pet 9 foot Anaconda on the city of Driscamoreolliaz and the people suffered. The Anaconda, however, had a mind of its own and snuck into Manyiscalcao's room and killed her after spewing its sticky acid all over her body. Fellowias, crushed, killed the snake and apologized to Driscamoreolliaz's D.D.D. In his dying breath, Fellowias shouted I was gay, sorry Manyiscalcao. Having to rebuild thier city, D.D.D required help from thier J.A.M buddies back in heaven. They gave them help but D.D.D were tired of ruling. In the year of 1574, D.D.D turned control of Driscamoreolliaz to foxes and squirrels. They ruled valiantly. in the year 1654, a rebirth of James Facetador was born. They raised him as one of their own, but he betrayed them. He slaughtered those poor innocent foxes and squirrels and took control of Driscamoreolliaz and renamed it Doorstonia, the land of doors always open. J.A.M saw this, called him up to heaven, set up the door again, and took his life away. Driscamoreolliaz was restored but is now a small province of AntaArcaTicatica. Once global warming happens they will melt down towards the world, divide and conquer all. Back to J.A.M and company... Once James's evil plan was thwarted, J.A.M forced him to be their personal slave getting them peanuts and beer when they requested it. Jesus was winning all the money at Hold'em when the Devil decided he enough. Him along with D.D.D and A.M and company set up Jesus with 3 Aces and 2 Kings while the Devil got 4 6's. Jesus was annoyed and threw down a bolt of lightning at the Earth except at Driscamoreolliaz and stomped his foot as hard as he could. Therefore, everytime Jesus loses a hand of Hold'em, you will see a flash of lightning and the thunder boom. O yeah, the gun may have been real but dogs can look up and that was the batman soundtrack.
by MC Mike D February 26, 2007