My father was a relentlessly self-improving lingerie salesman with low-grade narcolepsy and a panchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, make outrageous claims like he had invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. My childhood was pretty typical. Summers in Rangoon, louge lessons, in the spring we would make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At 13 I met an Austrian barber-surgeon named Wilma. She ritualistically shaved my testicles. There's nothing like a freshly shorned scrotum. It's breathtaking, you should try it.

You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!

The funniest Belgian evil genius ever. Stars in the movies series of Austin Powers.

Placing your pinky in your mouth with a smile after applying the shocker, as to taste the remnants.

The princess of Canada who named his left testile Pith and his right testicle Vinegar. Has a son named Scott Evil which was the result of cloning from Dr. Evil's sperm.

The sexual/conquering act of shoving a globe up someone's ass.