|18.||Dora The Explorer|
Dora the Explorer is a so-called "educational" pre-schooler's show which we all know. Dora, the "expolra", or whatever they call it in the theme song, goes on adventures full of dangerous bullshit and have parents that apperantally approve of it. She has a bitchy monkey in red boots that is cleverly named Boots. She has a purple backpack she carries everywhere, no matter where she is, that talks. And we all know the famous map, which repeats itself at least 20 or 30 times before telling us what's on the fucking map, and then it gives us three locations... so we basically had to listen to him to tell us he's the map to see these three locations. And did you ever notice how "the map"itself is STANDING on a map? How fucking clever.
Very obvious questions are also asked during the show. For example, Dora will unknowingly ask us "Do you see my house?" when she is standing at least 10 feet beside it. Suddenly, the camera pans to the left until there is nothing left BUT her house. Then, a huge neon flashing arrow will point to her house. And then, a blue mouse cursor will beat us to it while we're sitting there in front of the TV trying to explain to Dora where it is, and it will click on the house. Oh, Dora, there it is! Are you fucking blind? And at least once a show, we run into residential badass Swiper the Fox, who steals items from Dora and cleverly hides them in piles with similar items to confuse the shit out of her. There is also one way to stop Swiper from stealing Dora's possesions (but if you tried it in reality you'd get your ass kicked). This one way is to stick out your hand like a pussy, as if telling Swiper to stop (and, WOW, he stops), and then, for him to not keep going, you have to say "Swiper don't swipe it" or something gay like that, and he'll snap his fingers mafia-style and say "Aw man!" like a gaywad and run away. Dora is an insult to anyone's intelligence and no one knows why it's still aired, poor kids are being stupified. Fuck you, Dora, you little pansy!
Hey kids! It's Dora The Explorer! Where's Boots? That's right, he got stuck up Swiper's ass!
|1.||Dora the explorer|
Literally an insult to ANYONE'S intelligence. This isn't for pre-schoolers, this is for people in comas. The show includes an annoying Spanish girl that constantly does dangerous, stupid shit and has parents that apparently approve of said dangerous, stupid shit. Way to teach the kids, asshole. Then, as if they haven't been stupifying us enough with their inane bullshit, they ask the most obvious questions, and (in case you are blind or dead) point them out in the most obvious manner. For example, Dora asks "Where is Benny the Bull's farm?" Suddenly, the camera pans the the side until there is nothing left BUT the barn. Then, a tornado comes down to draw your attention to the spot where the barn is, while a giant flashing arrow points directly at it. And then, as if we (or the children, or whatever) were to dumb to find it, a shitty blue cursor "beats us to the punch" as the little bitch mockingly congratulates us on a job well done. Fuck you, you little shit! Also, Dora travels along with a gay little monkey (no offense intended, I'm just pointing out he's gay) that is literally incapable of anything but whinning and bitching the entire fucking show. Then, at least once a show, they run into the residental badass, Swiper the fox, who steal items from them and conviniently tosses them into a pile of similar items - that is, unless Dora, Boots and of course, you utter out the phrase "Swiper, don't swipe it" three times, which causes the sneaky fox to snap his fingers mafia-...more...
|2.||Dora The Explorer|
A young mexican (or the like) girl who has ODed on on shrooms, 'cause she is always seen singing to inanimate objects, such as, her backpack and a map. Also, the subject of bestiality and Dora often comes up because of her questionable relationship with a purple monkey named Boots, that wears red boots on his feet. It is also questionable, the whole thing with "Swiper" the fox, she always wards him away. He doesn't really do anything, except throw things. Perhaps he was an ex of the appearing four-year-old.
Boots: Uh...Dora, the kids are watching. +Poke.+
Dora: What? Oh! Hola, mi amigos...
Boots: C'mon Dora, we need to go see our Dealer!
Dora: Si, chango pelon!
Boots: I'm not bald.
Dora: +Laughs.+ Come on, vamanos, everybody, let's go!
Boots: Wait, dumbass. We don't know which way to go. Especially when we're screwed up. Ask the map, ask the map!
Dora: Oh. Right. Say Map!
|3.||Dora the Explorer|
An illegal Immigrant.
Reasons that Dora the Explorer is an illegal.
1) She speaks spanish... she speaks spanish perfectly... what is she like...5? Her backpack even speaks spanish perfectly!
2) That backpack of hers has EVERYTHING in it! And we're talking everything! Life support, water/food, clothing for any weather, ropes, grappling hooks, shoes.... i mean c'mon!
3) She's carrying a freaking ZOO with her! I mean, she has a monkey, an band of insects, a bajillion other animals! Really! What kind of legal immigrant has that many pets!?
4) She's always on an "adventure" to transport a "package" to some destination and is always being stalked by a person trying to take that package... i mean... really, Swiper is so obviously some sort of border patrol person trying to collect evidence of Dora's entire narcotics trafficking buisness
5) "Exploradora" is Latin for the word spy. Coincidence? Don't think so...
|4.||Dora the Explorer|
A 4 or 5 year old drunken "explorer" who can't tell left from right or up from down. She has a monkey who is her companion and a backpack. The monkey's name is Boots. He doesn't stop complaining the WHOLE episode. He makes people throw rocks at the screen! Now, the backpack is also annoying. It gets the map out and then the map starts screaming "I'M THE MAP" 50 million times until your ears are bleeding. Then it shows you 3 locations. Only 3! How gay. Then you are asked how to get there and you have to scream into the TV just so the map can hear you.
When Dora is on her adventure she runs into Swiper The Fox He'll steal something and then Dora will act all "mature".
She'll point at him like a homo and scream "Swiper No Swiping!" until you scream"Shut up you butt!" Then Swiper gets all sad and says "Aw man!" Then he snaps his fingers.
Dora is not educational. At all.
Dora: Come on! Let's explore!
Swiper: I got ya map!
Dora: SWIPER NO SWIPING!
Swiper: *snaps* Aw man!
Dora the Explorer sucks.
|5.||Dora the Explorer|
A stupid kid that is high on weed(Fo sho) and mentally retarded(IQ:19). There is evidence of this. For example, every single day of her life, she travels to 3 different places with a talking backpack, a talking map, and a talking monkey. Also, if you ever see her, you will not miss her horrible eyesight. She uses a computer mouse instead of wearing dark sunglasses and using a cane to find her way through to the third location. Did you see what I wrote? I wrote A FUCKING COMPUTER MOUSE. Very strange. Signs of hallucinations have been reported. Like a talking EVRYTIHNING and a dumb hustler(stealer) named swiper. She says,"swiper no swiping", most of the time. She acts like she is in some sort of different place than where she is in reality(the doctors at the mental hospital have problems with her. Like when she falling on the stairs. Strangely, she doesn't feel it.).
Dora the Explorer: Say Backpack!
Doctor: Please, dora this is urgent, we cannot play right now.
Doctor:Get the shots, NOW!
Dora:Can you find my LSD?
Doctor 2: I just injected her! She's still calm! WTF?!
Dora: We did it horray!
Doctor: HOLY SHIT, DORA!! Thats the WINDOW!!!!
*Rest in IQ D.Explorer.*
|6.||Dora the Explorer|
Dumb bitch. She also has to attack that fox's conscience. She yells at it, repeatedly, telling it how bad, and mean it is for stealing some useless shit that she has, that she can find again in about 10 minutes. I think her and the monkey are partners. That monkey won't shut the fuck up.
Dora the Explorer, you're fucking gonna die. First I'm gonna kill your god damn parents, and skin that monkey RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
Boots: Holy shit Dora! I'm trippin' BALLS!
Dora: *Laughs* Me too...
Boots: Oh shit. They're filming us.
Dora: Fuck! Hey guys, get that map out. Don't just pull it out and look at it, start chanting 'map'.
Boots: Ok. lets go to that Windy Canyon.
Dora: Is it windy there?
Boots: Lalalalala! You're Dora the Explorer!
Dora: Hehe... Boots... You're so fucked up...
|7.||dora the explorer|
A prostitute who f***ed the monkey Boots, while singing with her backpack and her map. She doesn't like swiper because he didn't pay her for "pleasure".
Dora Dora Dora the biiiotch