|1.||Do a Jake Hall|
To prop one's self up using one's penis. Deriving from the case of Lord Aticus Jackanory 'Jake' Hall, the famed vagabond/socialite of 1880s Manchester, who often fell asleep while selling 'Horton's Big Review' outside the Manchester Piccadilly station. He became a fixture of debutante box-socials following a remarkable incident, and is still known as the 'grand-father of Cheshire'. One report in the Manchester Guardian, dated 1 May 1886, reads: "An astounding event occurred last eve when the vagabond Lord Aticus 'Jake' Hall, of the once landed Halls of Fairweather, was discovered a-tripoded, a large protrusion from his groin keeping the sleeping honourable gentleman upright. The sight caused quite a stir as street urchins vied for the honour of seating themselves upon the member and splashing within the red pool formed at its end. Several swoonings were reported in the area, most notably the Lady Agashly, but the good Dr Lumbardi, or, the swarthy Savoyard as he is known in fashionable circles, has said that these incidences were unrelated to the folly of nature, being rather as a result of the unseasonably 'varm veafer'. 'And an ooga booga to you too' I told him! In other news, the late spring frost is expected to last for another week." Despite local fame/fortune, including a brief stint as headline in Buffalo Bill's 1887 tour of the 'mill country', Hall is reputed to have died in a Rochdale poorhouse, bemoaning his 'portentous prick of doom, and every tear shed thereby'.
He was so far gone he was close to collapse, but then he only went and did a Jake Hall!!
Remeber, if ever you think you might lose your balance, just do a Jake Hall.