Jane: Why can't you just man up and get the mail barefoot?!
John: Damnit woman! You know I've got Diksfertoas' syndrome!
Jane: If only you had dicks for dicks syndrome!
John's nosey neighbor: DAMN SON! ARE YOU PLAYING KNIGHTS OF THE TOLD REPUBLIC ON NINTENTOLD 64 OR DID YOU JUST GET FUCKING TOLD?!
John's apathetic cat: Zing, John. You've got a small penis and girl feet.