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1.
wife who examines husband's genitals carefully and critically, especially for any sign of infidelity.
Dicktective: (wearing magnified glass and getting a noseful of her husband's penis and shaking her head in disbelief.)
Husband: Look .. before you say anything, I haven't washed my cock since we last had anal.
by Dettol January 24, 2012
 
2.
A person (mostly female) scouring a party looking for the most likely guy to bang with the least resistance possible. These are often slutty small-town females who are only moderately attractive, but are used to being the life of the party because every other chick where they come from is ugly and fat. They often are infested with a wide array of STD's and other ailments, emotionally and otherwise...
Brian: Hey Dave what happened with you and Shawna last night? Did you hit?
Dave: Na bro, she was a dicktective, I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole, i.e. my dick...
by Misterperfect February 19, 2010
 
3.
The bro who is looking out for his other bros boners to inform them to put that shit away as to not embarrass himself.
Rick: Bro tuck your boner into your waist strap.

Billy: Dude you're being such a dicktective right now.

Rick: Fuck you fatty, I will axe your first born child.
by Jewishboi1996 August 19, 2014