Drunk In Charge (of a) Keyboard?
When you get woken up by an SMS at random o'clock & it's clearly from a drunk person. Rather than try to decipher it, simply reply: DICK? If they are, they'll know you aren't.
This used to require a computer keyboard, although those nifty little smart phone things are inspiring a revival (also known to affect to e-mail etc., especially during the early hours of Saturday & Sunday mornings)
Drunk person*: "I really, really, love you!!!" (etc.)
Drunk person*: "Ah... Sorry! Had a few too many shandies..."
You: "Still a DICK?"
*: he/she who probably explored a little DUI beforehand & almost certainly will have a stinking hangover afterwards.