Either way, both people are usualy fugly, also known as "lights out jobs".
Cyber sex is also what the internet was invented for
oh, and screen wipes.
Charlotte: hi, how r u
Dave: fine thanks, although a little nervous
Charlotte: don’t be, I’ve done this before
Dave: Really? well great, so ummm maybe you should start then.
Charlotte: ok sexy
Charlotte: I’m leaning out of my bedroom window wearing a silk nightie. I can see you walking past. You look a little tipsy
Dave: wow, I have actually been drinking tonight
Charlotte: The wind blows my hair and I flick it back over my shoulder.
Dave: Ummm. I look up and notice you
Charlotte: Our eyes make contact
Dave: wow, breasts. I break eye contact and look at your breasts instead.
Charlotte: You like my breasts?
Dave: very much
Charlotte: I squeeze them together and pout at you.
Dave: mucky fat tits, loverly
Charlotte: I nod my head in the direction of my open front door below
Dave : Wow, its open. You shouldn’t leave your door open like that. Anyone could get in u know
Charlotte: Well maybe I wanted anyone to get in. you are anyone Dave
Dave: I walk up your garden path and push your front door open.
Charlotte: You hear me shuffling around upstairs
Dave: Nice house you live in. There’s some nice stuff here. You really shouldn’t have left that door open you know.
Charlotte: I call to you softly from upstairs.
Dave: Pardon? I couldn’t quite here. I was shutting the door and the wind sort of took it out of my hands n made it slam loudly
Charlotte: I call again from upstairs, a little louder this time.
Dave: are u alone in this house? I don’t want to wake everyone up n that door really did slam quite loudly.
Charlotte: Yes dave, you have me all to yourself.
Charlotte: I call again from the landing at the top of the stairs. Come up. I want you closer. I want to feel the heat of your body against mine
Dave: I walk up the stairs. They creak a little.
Charlotte: I walk back in to the bedroom and wait for you on the bed
Dave: damn n blast it !
Charlotte: Whats the matter
Dave: I stubbed my toe. You have one of those stair lift thingies and I hurt myself on it in the dark
Charlotte: No I don’t Dave. Do you want me or not?
Dave: yes of course
Charlotte: Well stop being silly then
Dave: ok, sorry.
Charlotte: well come up stairs. I am waiting on the bed for you
Dave: ok, I sit on the stair lift and press the up button and glide up the stairs
Charlotte: I am getting cross now.
Dave: So you like it rough then?
Charlotte: Some times, but that’s not the point. You are being silly
Charlotte: ok, carry on then.
Dave: I enter your bedroom. I slide on to the bed and push your hair aside
Charlotte: That’s better. I close my eyes and arch my back at your touch. I have a silk scarf in my hands
Dave: I take the silk scarf and tie you to the bed.
Charlotte: yes dave, tie me up. Do what you want to me
Charlotte: Yes dave. Anything. I am all yours.
Dave: I slowly remove your knickers
Charlotte: I open my legs wide for you to see what you want better
Dave: I kiss your lips softly and slowly remove your rings from your fingers
Charlotte: why are you removing my rings?
Dave: Well I prefer you naked
Dave: and I am also a burglar. You really shouldn’t have left your door open you know
Charlotte: what? Are you crazy?
Dave: no a burglar, I told you already. These rings look expensive. And this really is a nice house. Expensive things. And since the invention of LCD TV’s they have become lighter and easier to carry.
Charlotte: ok, forget it
Dave: I put your rings in my swag bag. Grab your telly and a few expensive ornaments and load them on to the stair lift and press the down button
Charlotte: you are retarded
Dave: Do you have a shopping trolley or something cuz I think I grabbed to many things
Charlotte: Fuck off you arsehole
Dave: I steal your shopping trolley, load my swag in to it and make my way back down your garden path.
Charlotte: Fuck you
Dave: I will close the door for you on my way out. There are some dodgy people around this neighborhood you know.
Charlotte: I am going
Dave: you cant, I left you tied up. And I took your knickers and all your clothes. You are naked. You cant go out
Dave: Cash converters here I come !
Charlotte logs out