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1.
1. Verb, One who masturbates in secret.

2. Adjective, A person who befriends another, with an ulteria motive to extort from them. Projected to and thought of by the victim as a friend, although they're blatently a relentless tosser.
A: "I lent a tenner to your mate steve the other day, he's moved to Brighton."
B: "I thought he was really safe."
A: "So did I"
B: "Tosser!"
A: "No, crypto-tosser!"
by TomOscarSiSedrickEliRabinski January 24, 2012