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1.
I once heard the late George Carlin at a live performance reel off hundreds of witty slang synonyms for masturbation, but his final entry, and the punchline for his entire performance, was,

"Crowning the King."

I thought it was the funniest.
Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! Prince Andrew! How much longer are you going to be in there?

Prince Andrew: Just a little while longer, Grand Mum.

Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! You are not endevouring to masturbate in there, are you?

Prince Andrew: Of course not, Grand Mum--I'm Crowning the King!
by Dr Whosis December 20, 2009

Words related to Crowning the King

beat the meat jack off jerk off masturbate spank the monkey