1. An impenetrable barrier created when the resources one allocates to ignorant and irrational thoughts exceed their normal daily thought process (including hunger, thirst, and sensory) by a 90:1 ratio. A Crown of Turds makes its wearer completely impervious to the wants, needs, and feelings of others. With use, the subject develops tendencies for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and eventually delusions of grandeur.
2. A phenomenon that occurs when ones hair becomes severely matted with feces from incessant brown nosing and generally kissing up to everyone with any measure of power. A Crown of Turds is said to have the power grant the dubya touch to the weak-minded.
3. A mark of disgrace in which fecal waste is placed on the head of an individual, formed into the shape of a crown, and baked until reaching the hardness and consistency of wood. Typically administered to those who show the greatest incompetence in their given field.
Rob: "Dude, you're never going to get through to your boss, he has a crown of turds."
Bob: "I swear! The mayor is running this town into the ground!"
Tony: "That's because he's wearing an eighty-pound crown of turds."
Jill: "Our city commissioner jacked up prices on bus-fare to increase profits, but caused all of the riders to have friends drive them. They lost a bunch of money, and now the city doesn't have public transportation!"
Bernice: "I say we pay him a visit and give him a crown of turds!"