This term comes from 'Ye Olde English' originating from the reign of King Henry VIII and his desperation in not being able to produce a male heir to carry on the Tudor dynasty. It was discovered by a lowly servant who stumbled upon the King in floods of tears and covered in copious amounts of semen. This information was a state secret until 2007 when it was released under Freedom of Information Act.
'Every since I heard my Mum and Dad had died in a horrible dolphin accident I've had to crank myself to sleep every night'
'Late at night after his girlfriend had gone to sleep Steven Peters Matthews would slowly crank over her delicate jawline'
Mohinder: Hey guys do you all wanna go to the beach and catch some waves and then afterwards we can go to Chad's house and have communal crank'
Bruce: That sounds totally crazy sick Mohinder I'll give Chuck a ring he loves cranking'
'Man I just watched Schindler's List, it was like totally sad but that little girl in the red coat was so hot i just had to have a crank'.
'The other day I was having a glorious wank in the woods when I saw a cute bunny rabbit get brutally mutilated by a hedgehog it turned my once in a lifetime wanking experience into a mournful cranking session'
This practice originated in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Victoria, and has spread throughout the state.
Cranker; a person who cries and wanks simultaneously because the object of the wank either hates them or doesn't know they exist. Can be male or female.
'We walked in on her cranking it was the most pathetic thing ever.'