An absurdly large handgun or anything else even vaguely phallic in shape.

Example: Colt .50 "Grizzly" revolver featuring ~1.5 in long cartridge that almost can't be fired for fear of breaking ones nose.

OR

A $300 Canon™ camera with a variety of speialty lenses so that Unlce Eggbert can catch that action shot of baby Rufus' runny nose at the family reunion softball game.