Things to do: Four by Fouring, Drinking, Quading, then more drinking! WHOO HOO!!
2. Town is a total dive. If you are in the Air Force of any NATO country and your unit is sent to Exercise Maple Flag held annually in this syphillis infested shithole, go AWOL. An AWOL charge is easier to deal with than spending 2 to 6 weeks in the chlamydia capital of Canada.
3. Locals are Xenophobic imbeciles. Probably due to inbreeding. Great place for fat chicks to act as though they are attractive. Most of them are gold diggers. If you are going there to make big bucks working in the oil sector, beware of the local women. Teenage pregnancies are common there, and the women are losers who could never possibly achieve anything on their own, so watch your wallet. They have turned back the clock on women's equality by about 50-60 years.
3. They love trucks. They don't carry anything in them other than cinder blocks, sand bags and empty cans of Pilsener or Lucky Lager.
4. They think mullets are cool.
5. Going to Wal-Mart is a family outing.
6. The local fighter pilots see themselves as an aristocratic warrior caste when in fact they are the only ones in the Canadian Forces not doing anything. Meanwhile, everyone else is in Afghaninstan.
7. There are on average 2 bars. Sometimes 3, depending on how long the place stays open until the managers waste all their money buying coke and crystalmeth for the local prostitutes.
8. Cold Lake sucks.
Person 2 "Cold Lake, Alberta"
Person 1 "What a shit hole"
Person 2 "No kidding, better double bag it"