EVERYONE seems to have provided either a partially or entirely inaccurate definition of what a Cleveland Steamer actually is. This classic and creative move is indeed a way to ensure that any desired break-up with a particular girl is accomplished without chance of reconciliation! Okay, THIS is how to perfectly execute a Cleveland Steamer: First, get your soon-to-be-ex drunk to the point of passing out. This serves two purposes. One, it allows you to precisely carry out the defecation on her chest without protest. Two, it almost assures that, because she drank so damn much, she will be even MORE sickened by the stench when she wakes in the morn. But back to the instructions. After passing out, the victim (girl) must be carefully placed in her bed with the covers pulled back. At this time, strip off her top and lay the longest, smokiest and smelliest logs possible directly on, around and between her tits. One may prep for this by eating lots of green vegetables, collard greens in particular, then smoking a pack of menthol cigarettes and eating jalapeno poppers at the same time. After dropping your shit pudding on her chest, and this is very important, pull the covers (preferably including at least two wool blankets and a down comforter) up over her head. If need be, leave her nostrils uncovered so that she won't suffocate. Then, after "blanketing" the smoking poo on her chest with as many covers as are available, turn the thermostat in her room up as high as it will go. If you can run that heat upwards of 90-95 degrees, DO IT! After a night of her poo pot pie literally baking on her chest under the multi-layered covers AND with a room temp of around 90 degrees, she will indeed wake to the smell in this steamy sauna of shit that will make her WISH she was engulfed by the smell of something much more tolerable, like the stench of rotting possum carcasses in the desert heat. THIS, my friends, is the REAL Cleveland Steamer!!!
"I hated Candace's sorry ass so much that I thought I was actually gonna have to kill her to get rid of that nagging bitch once and for all. Fortunately, I cleverly decided to use the ole Cleveland Steamer ploy, which both got rid of her for good and kept me from going to prison! Cleveland Steamers rock, man!!!"
by Larry Tird August 03, 2009
The act of making sweet love to a woman, waiting until she goes to sleep, defecating on her chest, taking a five dollar bill from her purse and then bolting from the area.
She was complaining to her friends that she had gone to bed with a new man and awakened to a large fresh pile of feces on her chest and that five dollars missing from her purse. Her friends were barely able to contain their laughter as they informed her that he had been the recipient of the mythical cleveland steamer.
by Grande John June 24, 2006
The Cleveland Steamer does not necessarily involve the rolling back and forth, to and fro, per se of said dookie. Rather, the term Steamer refers to the relative temperature at which a growler is produced. The rectum being 4 degrees F above core body temperature allows for the optimal environment to produce a Celine Dion with the smoldering characteristics. Cleveland refers to the cleavage of a womans breastesis though, ironically, homo's are the main proprietors of this filthy fetish.
While having mediocre sex with Nancy, or whatever her name was, she excitedly offered up her heaving breastesis for a Cleveland Steamer. Repulsed beyond comprehension by the fact that she was: a) not only into such debauchery but b) excited by the thought, I backed my cack out of her arse, proceeded to give her an impromptu hot carl, got dressed and fucked off.
by Seatthell February 14, 2006
when you take a shit on your partner during sex.
damn, i got to take a major dump and the bathroom is all the way downstairs. oh well, i'll just take a shit on this bitch.
by RayH December 23, 2003
When you put plastic wrap over someone's mouth and shit inside their mouth. The plastic wrap then acts as a shit condom inside their mouth.
Try to use heavy duty plastic wrap when giving a Cleveland Steamer- unless the recipient doesn't mind a little corn in their diet.
by Watertown Hero November 09, 2008
taking a dump on a girls chest
The hooker I picked up last week let me give her a cleveland steamer
by timothy steely May 19, 2008
The act of defecating on the chest of one's partner and then performing a rocking motion while sitting in the feces in an attempt to spread the feces out in a steam roller like fashion.
Glen performed a cleveland steamer on Brittany because she was a ho fo sho.
by fdkj May 14, 2008
To the person who said that a Cleveland Steamer is when you receive a BJ on the crapper whilst droping the Kids off at the pool, To you I say, wrong sir. That is called a Blumpky. A Cleveland Steamer is most definatly a poo sport for the emotionally retartedans socially inept.
Why waste perfectly good poo on a Blumpky when you can share the fun of a Cleveland Steamer with your insignificant other.
by MO November 03, 2004

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