|1.||Cleveland sports fans|
People who are, for the most part, butthurt over LeBron James going to Miami because he wants to win an NBA championship, unlike in Cleveland where the LeBron James -- I mean the Cavaliers were never good enough to win. They like to get drunk and do retarded things, because that's what those retarded, non-LeBron James fans do.
It all started when King James revealed he was going to play for the Miami Heat in his absolutely necessary King James version hour-long press conference. Cleveland sports fans responded by getting drunk and talking to cameramen about how betrayed they felt by King James, how King James was scum, and how they wish King James and the actually talented Miami Heat would never win the NBA championship while King James was part of the team. They then moved on to throwing their #23 LeBron James jersey replicas in a fire.
Some weeks later, a non-retarded Cleveland sports fan wore a Miami Heat jersey to an Indians game. Of course it was a LeBron James jersey. Out of their hatred for LeBron James and their new hatred for the Miami Heat, their dumb, drunk asses heckled the completely innocent man/LeBron James fan who was eventually escorted out of the stadium. If Cleveland sports fans weren't so butthurt over LeBron James leaving or retarded, this incident would not have taken place. No wonder LeBron James left.
Bill: Why are so many Cleveland sports fans so drunk, butthurt, and retarded?
Ted: It was a combination of their parents drinking while they were still in the womb, and a missing chromosome that does not allow their IQ to go past 70.
Bill: Ah, I see. I guess the guy in the Miami Heat jersey was not one of those idiots?
Ted: Correct sir, he is one of the few living Cleveland sports fans that can actually perform adequately in real-life situations.
Me: I hope this definition pisses off every one of them.
Bill: I noticed typed LeBron James and/or his nicknames 17 times in your definition. Could it possibly be a reference to his press conference, where he spoke about himself in the third-person for much of the time?
Me: Correct again. Isn't it great to not be a Cleveland sports fan?
Ted: Indeed it is. At least being a birth defect it isn't contagious, so we never have to worry about becoming one.
Me: Also, now with him gone their favorite team is going do suck ass for a while. I'm not a fan of him either, but you can't deny he is a great basketball player.