The one Supreme Being, the creator and ruler of the universe.
1 First Chuck made heaven & earth 2 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of the beard was moving over the face of the waters. 3 And Chuck said, "Let there be light"; and there was light. 4 And Chuck saw that the light was good; and Chuck separated the light from the darkness. 5 Chuck Norris called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day. 6 And Chuck said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters." 7 And Chuck made the firmament and separated the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament. And it was so. 8 And Chuck called the firmament Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day. 9 And Norris said, "Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear." And it was so. 10 Chuck Norris called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And Chuck saw that it was good. 11 And Chuck Norris said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, upon the earth." And it was so. 12 The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And Chuck saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening and there was morning, a third day. 14 And Chuck said, "Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to separate the day from the night; and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light upon the earth." And it was so. 16 And Chuck Norris made the two great lights, the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night; he made the stars also. 17 And Chuck set them in the firmament of the heavens to give light upon the earth, 18 to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And Chuck saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening and there was morning, a fourth day. 20 And Chuck Norris said, "Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the firmament of the heavens." 21 So Chuck created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And Chuck Norris saw that it was good. 22 And Chuck blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth." 23 And there was evening and there was morning, a fifth day. 24 And Chuck said, "Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds: cattle and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds." And it was so. 25 And Chuck made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the cattle according to their kinds, and everything that creeps upon the ground according to its kind. And Chuck Norris saw that it was good. 26 Then Chuck said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth." 27 So Chuck created man in his own image, in the image of Chuck Norris he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And Chuck blessed them with beards and fists of fury, and Chuck said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." 29 And Chuck Norris said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so. 31 And Chuck saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.
One Kick Ass Son of a Bitch!
Some random facts about Chuck Norris:
"Alien vs Predator" is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris' first sexual experience.
While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France.
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends... He punches them in the vagina and they leave.
Chuck Norris had sex with a cigarette machine.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire watermelon, including the seeds, then grew an entire watermelon patch in his stomach which fed eleven families for six weeks.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man.
If you were to know Chuck Norris' true name, your mind would collapse upon itself.
A freak accident involving Chuck Norris and a severe thunderstorm turned an ordinary Total Gym (R) into Richard Dean Anderson, star of TV series "MacGyver". Scholars around the world maintain that this is the only known case of irony that is both situational and dramatic.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimentions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass....
The manliest man on Earth:
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
"One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"
People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.
Dinosaurs went extinct b...
America's premier ass kicking artist since the early 1960's.
Even at age 63 Chuck Norris can kick any guys ass in the US of A and most of the world and beyond!
v. to perform a totally cool and violent action, observable by peers
v. to judiciously kick a man, woman, child, or animal's ass
v. to maintain street credibility;
adj. for street cred
Did you see the way Stewart Chuck Norrised that fucking guy's neck? That's awesome.
Phil Chuck Norrised that cat because it gave him a look and walked across the hall.
Did you see the way Travis slapped that bitch? That's Chuck Norris.
One of the most overrated jerks to ever be loved by adolescents.more...
A third-rate martial artist (who was destroyed by Bruce Lee), Christian fundamentalist (wishes to have America become a puritanical christian theocracy), raging conservative, Total Gym spokesman, annoying white guy, and part of Sarah Palin's "real America".
Having been in plenty of movies (usually fighting red people, brown people, or yellow people) that have gained popularity amongst American youth, Chuck Norris was recently treated to a mock-godhood in the form of jokes. Being more commonly associated now with "pushing the earth down when doing push-ups" than his christian fundamentalism, Norris has been able to avoid falling into obscurity. Mike Huckabee, in an attempt to attract a younger, keener group of conservatives in his presidential bid, enlisted Chuck Norris in an ad campaign. Lacking any political substance, Huckabee would sit next to Chuck, raddle off a few Chuck jokes, broken up by Chuck Norris raddling off the old fashioned conservative campaign rhetoric, and ending with Chuck punching the air and saying "Chuck Norris Approved!" Huckabee lost steam early in the campaign, and Norris latched himself to McCain.
Norris has also worked with his wife to advertise efforts to begin teaching the bible in public schools across America. Believing that America is founded upon "Christian principles", he seems to have no problem reaching the conclusion that we should therefore essentially abandon democrac...
Some old dude. He sucks. aka Chuck Whoris.
I kicked Chuck Norris down the stairs and he broke a hip. Then, I beat him with his cane.
An overused joke.
Person 1: LOLOOLOL OMG CHUCK NOORIS I ROUNDHOOSE KICK YUU! CHUK IS GOD!<3<333 OMG CHUCK NORRIS
Person 2: Please shut up, no one cares about Chuck Norris.