Chuck Norris fun facts 2

Chuck Norris doesn't work his jobs pay him for just applying.

Chuck Norris was once George Bush...but now he's Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only man capable of masturbating and running a marathon at the same time.

Chuck Norris created the first computer using the bones of his enemies.

Chuck Norris invented the lightbulb.

Chuck norris invented the question mark.

JK rowling was originally going to be a porn star but due to her not being able to handle Chuck Norris she soon became an author inspired by Norris' naked body thus making Harry Potter.

Due to Chuck Norris' awesome roundhosue kicks he wasn't allowed to play in terminator 3 instead he turned himself into a woman just to star in it.

If Chuck was to ever discover this website he would roundhouse kick the earth thus ending humanity.

During the Cold War nuclear missles were actually launched at America Due to a swift Roundhouse kick Chuck Norris redirected them to Japan thus creating Godzilla!

Waldo isn't hiding he's in a coma after saying Chuck Norris three times in the mirror.

Only Chuck Norris can masturbate to Chuck Norris.

French fries were invented since Chuck Norris got tired of potatoe wedges.

After shaving his pubic hairs Chuck Norris then threw them into the furnace thus making the first werewolf.

Chuck Norris REALLY killed Kenny!

When Carlos Mencia made a joke about Chuck Norris he went from white to mexican due to a radioactive roundhouse kick.

When Lynyrd Skynyrd made the song Free Bird he was actually singing about the time Chuck Norris decided not to Roundhosue kick him.

Chuck Norris doesn't get married he just ensures that death will do them apart.

All that remains was formed After Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the rest of the band.

Chuck Norris IS the first airplane.

Chuck Norris wnats YOU to join the army!

Chuck Norris is the reason why Uncle Sam doesn't exist!

One Kick Ass Son of a Bitch!

Some random facts about Chuck Norris:

"Alien vs Predator" is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris' first sexual experience.

While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France.

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.

Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends... He punches them in the vagina and they leave.

Chuck Norris had sex with a cigarette machine.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire watermelon, including the seeds, then grew an entire watermelon patch in his stomach which fed eleven families for six weeks.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man.

If you were to know Chuck Norris' true name, your mind would collapse upon itself.

A freak accident involving Chuck Norris and a severe thunderstorm turned an ordinary Total Gym (R) into Richard Dean Anderson, star of TV series "MacGyver". Scholars around the world maintain that this is the only known case of irony that is both situational and dramatic.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimentions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass....

The manliest man on Earth:
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

"One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.

Dinosaurs went extinct b...

v. to perform a totally cool and violent action, observable by peers

v. to judiciously kick a man, woman, child, or animal's ass

v. to maintain street credibility;
adj. for street cred

America's premier ass kicking artist since the early 1960's.

The badest mofo of dem all. DONT F*%K WITH CHUCK!!!

Chuck Norris is the mightiest man alive. He will kill your family and eat your soul. His roundhouse kicks have been known to destroy worlds. All your base are belong to him.

there is no definition for chuck norris