More Chuck Norris Fun facts!

Chuck Norris doesn't obey the Fabrics of Reality the Fabrics of Reality obey Chuck Norris!

When Moses said "Let my people go" Chuck Norris replied with a roundhouse kick to his face.

Lightning never strikes Chuck Norris knowing that Chuck Norris will strike right back!

God didn't cause the flood that was simply Chuck Norris taking a piss afterchugging the Atlantic Ocean.

When his girlfriends ask "Whats your name?" Chuck Norris simply says "Chuck Norris" he gets laid within the enxt ten seconds or less OR your money back!

Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends he simply leaves and never returns!

The meteor didn't kill the dinosuars Chuck Norris simply roundhouse kicked them all!

There's no such thing as evolution only Chuck Norris.

Cup of Coffe three dollars, new pair of shoes fourty dollars, getting a blow job by asian prostitute one hundred dollars, getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris...priceless!

Whenever a Nuclear Threat rises it never happens because Chuck Norris stops it five years before the threat is made.

On the first easter Chuck Norris grabbed the Easter bunny and coated it in chocolate before eating him. Just ebcause the rabbit refused to give him all of his eggs!

When God said "Thou shalt not take my name in vain" Chuck Norris shouted "I AM GOD!"

In the original version of War of the Worlds Chuck Norris was fired for taking out the aliens tow seconds in the movie. Peter Jackson was never seen ever since.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat he digests his meals by looking at them.

Chuck Norris appeared in every movie known to man at once!

Adolf Hitler one day got pissed and shouted "Damn you Chuck Norris!" Two seconds later World War 2 was over.

If God was to utter Chuck Norris real name the very universe would collapse within itself!

One day Chuck Norris was feeling lucky after realising he had sex with every female in the world he decided to do Satan! Ever since Satan was banished to hell since God called dibs on Chuck Norris first!

When God said "You cannot eat from to tree of the knowledge of good and evil!" He failed to notice Chuck Norris munching on a piece of the fruit wearing The serpent as a condom while winking at Eve.

One Kick Ass Son of a Bitch!

Some random facts about Chuck Norris:

"Alien vs Predator" is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris' first sexual experience.

While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France.

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.

Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends... He punches them in the vagina and they leave.

Chuck Norris had sex with a cigarette machine.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire watermelon, including the seeds, then grew an entire watermelon patch in his stomach which fed eleven families for six weeks.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man.

If you were to know Chuck Norris' true name, your mind would collapse upon itself.

A freak accident involving Chuck Norris and a severe thunderstorm turned an ordinary Total Gym (R) into Richard Dean Anderson, star of TV series "MacGyver". Scholars around the world maintain that this is the only known case of irony that is both situational and dramatic.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimentions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass....

The manliest man on Earth:
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

"One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.

Dinosaurs went extinct b...

v. to perform a totally cool and violent action, observable by peers

v. to judiciously kick a man, woman, child, or animal's ass

v. to maintain street credibility;
adj. for street cred

America's premier ass kicking artist since the early 1960's.

The badest mofo of dem all. DONT F*%K WITH CHUCK!!!

Chuck Norris is the mightiest man alive. He will kill your family and eat your soul. His roundhouse kicks have been known to destroy worlds. All your base are belong to him.

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