| 196. | Chuck Norris | ||
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The coolest person on earth Chuck norris once sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th, but because Jesus was too afraid to tell Chuck that his real birthday was not on the 25th, Christams is celebrated that day.
- Chuck norris was the fourth Wise Man, he gave jesus the gift of facial hair - when somebody sneezes they may need a tissue, when Chuck norris sneezes, he asks for body bags. - Chuck norris sweats bullets AND guns. - Chuck norris doesnt travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of chuck norris. - Chuck norris' tears cure cancer, diabetes, hep. B, AIDS, HIV and polio.....too bad he never cries. - Chuck norris caused the big bang...he round house kicked an infinitely dense point of matter that he squeezed between his eye lids, thus creating the universe. - Chuck norris created the pyramids while saving a group of children from a burning schoolbus. after he created them, he round house kicked the children to death and then forced the jewish slaves to build them again assuring them their efforts will be remembered. he then proceeded to build the parthanon, the colliseum and the tower of babel. - Chuck norris doesnt age unless chuck norris wants to. - Chuck get what Chuck want: the 11th commandment. - Chuck norris visited Spain and saw than it wasnt connected to europe, he then proceeded to take a crap between then two masses and created France. - Chuck Norris round house kicked switzerland...that's why the cheese has holes in it. - Chuck norris doesnt read, he looks at a book and absorbs the text. - Chuck norris once convinced god that he was sitting in his seat. god had no other choice but to move, lest he get kicked in the teeth. - If you stare into chuck norris' eyes, you will ascend into heaven, then you'll explode and plumet into hell. - Chuck norris doesnt gamble, the casinos pay him. - Chuck norris once had a staring contest with the sun...Chuck won and that's why we have nighttime. - a blind man once bumped into chuck norris, feeling pity, chuck norris cured the man of his blindness...the last thing the man saw before he died was a very manly foot smashing into his face. - Chuck norris has only once missed a round house kick strike, he hit the ground and created the grand canyon. |
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| 1. | chuck norris | ||
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One Kick Ass Son of a Bitch!
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Some random facts about Chuck Norris: "Alien vs Predator" is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris' first sexual experience. While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France. Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle. Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends... He punches them in the vagina and they leave. Chuck Norris had sex with a cigarette machine. Chuck Norris once ate an entire watermelon, including the seeds, then grew an entire watermelon patch in his stomach which fed eleven families for six weeks. In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man. If you were to know Chuck Norris' true name, your mind would collapse upon itself. A freak accident involving Chuck Norris and a severe thunderstorm turned an ordinary Total Gym (R) into Richard Dean Anderson, star of TV series "MacGyver". Scholars around the world maintain that this is the only known case of irony that is both situational and dramatic. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimentions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass.... |
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| 2. | chuck norris | ||
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The manliest man on Earth:
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Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. "One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'" People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes. Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face. Dinosaurs went extinct b... |
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| 3. | chuck norris | ||
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v. to perform a totally cool and violent action, observable by peers
v. to judiciously kick a man, woman, child, or animal's ass v. to maintain street credibility; adj. for street cred Did you see the way Stewart Chuck Norrised that fucking guy's neck? That's awesome.
Phil Chuck Norrised that cat because it gave him a look and walked across the hall. Did you see the way Travis slapped that bitch? That's Chuck Norris. |
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| 4. | chuck norris | ||
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America's premier ass kicking artist since the early 1960's. Even at age 63 Chuck Norris can kick any guys ass in the US of A and most of the world and beyond!
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| 5. | chuck norris | ||
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The badest mofo of dem all. DONT F*%K WITH CHUCK!!! When chuck norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet, the pool gets chucked.
One day a man asked chuck norris if his real name was charles. Chuck norris did not respond, but rather stared at him until he exploded. Chuck norris doesn't have AIDS but he gives them to people anyway. If you can see chuck norris he can see you. If you can't see chuck norris, you may be only be seconds away from death. |
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| 6. | chuck norris | ||
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Chuck Norris is the mightiest man alive. He will kill your family and eat your soul. His roundhouse kicks have been known to destroy worlds. All your base are belong to him. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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| 7. | Chuck Norris | ||
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there is no definition for chuck norris 1: i tried to define chuck norris
2: what happened? 1: i got roundhouse kicked and was told no one defines chuck norris but chuck norris |
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