They can usually only be fully understood by other Chav's and will rarely acknowledge anybody in a friendly manner out of their own 'crew' with anything other than a firm nod and the occasional "rate" as if to ask the recipient if they are "alright today".
Insist on wearing giant hoop earrings of a colossal size made out of some cheap gold equivalent that turns their skin green.
Their necks accommodate the dreaded "Sovereign" necklace with an engraved picture of someone that they actually know nothing about.
They like to wear velvet tracksuits consisting of pastel shades usually with some kind of untrue motif on the back stating something like "Princess Forever".
They have not done their make up correctly unless their face is a ghastly shade of orange which makes them look like they've been spawned by two Umpa-Lumpa's from Mr Wonka's chocolate factory.
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Their hair is usually one of three styles:
1/. Scraped back into a ridiculously tight pony tail and secured with 10 thousand scrunchies.
that went out with the Spice Girls. They then finish the common female 'Charver Barnett' by using 5 cans of cheap sticky hair spray to turn their fringes into a rock.
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2/. They sometimes claim to have gone to Tony & Guy for a hair cut even though everyone around them knows that they are a crappy liar because of 2 things:
a/. Their Dole money won't cover a hair cut in that place unless their kids are fed on 9 pence baked beans out of the tin.. AGAIN.
b/. Their hair looks like they used the bathroom bleach on it religiously everyday for the past year. It resembles the straw from Farmer Briggs field that they walk past on their way to the Post Office to cash in their Dole Giros.
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3/. As flat as a 5 year old's chest with nasty cheap highlights in.. Clearly they wait until they acquire a little sun and then drench their hair with lemon juice and wait for the awful Halloween horror effect to set in.
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Female Chav's have adopted the habit of getting Medusa's (a kind of lip piercing) only instead of wearing nice little silver balls they think it looks attractive to wear whopping great faux gold ones that look like nasty spots pussing.
Of course they have to put up any spots/zits they receive as Boots the Chemist finally wised up to bottles of Oxy going missing and finally added store alarms.
They qualify for free things like achne specialist stuff but the doctors got so tired of the constant visits from the 18 year old mother with 5 children that they got kicked off the panel.
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Usually find it 'cool' and 'hard' to wear a small gold hoop in their ear or sometimes a small 'blinging' diamond.
They wear huge, thick fake gold chains as if trying to pull off that 'Mr T' look.
They too, are fond of wearing tracksuits like their female counter-parts only it is of major significance that the sport name logo or trade mark is showing to demonstrate to OTHER Chav's how much of their 'well ace' Dole was spent this month.
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Their hair is usually one of two styles:
1/. The classic skin head 'I'm well hard' look.. Sometimes sporting some kind of bizarre shaven lines in random patterns forming their favourite football team or the Addias symbol etc..
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2/. Short and with lot's of 45 pence gel spiking it up.
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Male Chav's like to adorn themselves with anything that they think might have the ability to make them look toughened.
A fine example of this is the way they tilt their caps (usually burberry) to a high angle as they believe this increases their style of trying to be obdurate.
It actually just makes them look like a twat although they are too dense to see this.
They are very competitive in the world of racing other Chav's in seeing who can keep their trainers in the most immaculate 'Snow White' condition, or who can show the most Adidas stripes.
It is of uber importance that their tracky bottoms are tucked into their socks as some kind of social trade mark of acceptance within the Chav mainstream.
You will usually hear them say something a long the lines of "Wot da fook u lukin at" and "Ya fookin startin? I wil bang yaz out innit"
This normally translates to "Excuse me friend, but are your eyes appearing in my general direction? I would very much like you to avert them as I am terribly afraid of anything 'different'.." and "Although you have actually said nothing, I perceive a slight movement from your head as a signal for me to open my mouth and utter wasteful words upon you. I will not actually physically assault you myself, what I actually mean is I will round up 10 of my cretinous buddies and I will let them intimidate you and do my donkey work for me".
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So yes, I conclude that the 'Chav' is just an uninformed, unintellectual waste of human life.
They continue to produce more offspring which will grow up to be as simple-minded as the previous futile generation. They will grow to be Dole fodder or if they're lucky.. Maybe acquire work in a fast food place. FOREVER.
Their aspirations and dreams consist only of purchasing the next ugly gold chain from the market or buying more cigarettes from the local corner shop.
They cost us time, tax and tears yet do not show any thanks except only to waste more of our time and so-forth. Anything that is remotely 'different' to them or considered as being a 'minority' is automatically WRONG in their eyes.
They are ignorant and close-minded because they lack the capacity to understand anything else beyond their own moronic world.
They are NOTHING.
Chavs are completely Amoral, having never been subjected to right and wrong by their inattentive, uncaring and often absent parents.
Chavs are part Magpie, evidentially supported by their love of all things shiny, or as vaccuous, illiterate street-slang would say 'Bling'. They can be seen twokking from the Jewelry counter in Argos/Index.
Whatever their ethnic background, Chavs have a built-in affinity to hip-hop/R&B, even if they are inherently racist (see the Scottish). They see their life as glamorous and cool.
Chavs are for the most part, extremely stupid. However, some of them render a form of low cunning, which can be misinterpreted as intelligence. However this is false. A Chav has no desire to better themself through honest means nor learn anything outside of car modification.
All chavs think that they are nails. Again, this is false. Sitting in a beaten up nova smoking lamberts does not precipitate a healthy body. The irony being that a Chav owns mainly sportswear, yet will only break a sweat if running from the police.
Chavs are incredibly fertile beasts, and are highly successful breeders. Where they come unstuck is having to look after the offspring which their 13 yr old drunken fumble produces. More often that not the child will crow to be a Chav, having received no more guidance on life than the parent.
Chavs have a fond love for cars, as well as a Vin Diesel fixation. Rather than buy a nice car to start with, a chav will spend all their dole and tax-free labouring cash on upgrading a 10 year old car with 200,000 miles on the clock. The end product will invariably be a luminous monstrosity with at least one serious collision to it's name.
Commonly thought to be of inferior intellect, the Chavette surprises us with its cunning plan to avoid taking up a professional career and provide itself with free accommodation supplied by tax payers by spawning multi coloured mini chavs at a early stage in life, usually mid teens.
Clearly recognisable by their distinctive tribal Burberry they congregate in town centres and on street corners, Chavs have a reputation of being creative with public property and motor vehicles, building themselves Chaviots out of mechcano sets and strip lighting, and providing us with humorous banta written on toilet walls like ‘Shit’ and ‘Tasha woz ere’ in an attempt to relieve our boredom while urinating.
Their language is a basic form of English thus avoiding any words they cannot spell or pronounce, even to the extent of creating new words only they know the meaning of.
Hunting in large groups Chavs will single out the weakest, smallest prey and attack it without mercy avoiding any personal injury and insuring victory.
Chavs unfortunately don't yet fall into the category of rodent and in effect cannot be bludgeoned to death under the guise of pest control. Darn!-
I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you Chavs for the great contribution you’ve made to this country, you’ve made it what it what it is today – a shit hole.
Male chavs wear clothes and jewellry which come from a market, they have a attitude problem and smoke since the age of 11.
Female chavs wear tight trousers and when they sit down they're thongs show, have fake blonde hair as straight as an ironing board or they have the "croydon face-lift", they lost their virginity at the age of 14, they have a attitide problem and they have really really bad teeth.
Chavs also use stupid words such as "safe" or "mint" or "y'wot?" or "quali'ee" or my favourite "innit" what are they trying to say?, it's like trying to communicate with a dog.
you usually find them in your local bus stop or your local town.
The origins of the word itself are unclear and there are a few theories, perhaps all of them correct. Nonetheless, the current criteria for being a chav applies as laid out in this dictionary and no doubt, as culture dumbs-down even more, the definition will need to be updated. Chavs will no doubt eventually, despite their in-bred lack of intelligence, cotton-on to the fact that burberry and it’s current associations foster great hatred and negativity amongst the majority of the population. This factor however, could backfire, as Chavs could consider the perpetuation of hatred and negativity as a great contribution to humanity, even if it is directed towards themselves from others.
The most recent example of a celebrity Chav is Kenzie in Big Brother. (I can’t remember the name of the boy-band he is in – so uncool – but I know it had the word “Crew” or “Squad” whatever, in the name). In fact, Kenzie actually said “no” initially to being in the BB house, but when he thought long and hard about it, decided to say yes as the word “brother” as in, “bruv-va” or “bruv” for short, sounded cool and he thought it would really do wonders for his street-cred. Kenzie is actually white, but to see his clothes and hear him speak, you would think he is black.
Chavism represents a cultural link with the Trailer Park Trash in The States which is actually a sub-culture of black America. They both inspire each other. The lower the common denominator they appeal to, the cooler they are! Both of these cultural factions are represented by the highly evolved people picked to appear on the “Jerry Springer” show. Due to the speed of the transmission of information in modern times ex. Internet, TV etc, cultures very quickly pick up bits from other cultures, bounce off each other, and this happens at such a rate that no-one exactly knows who originated what. But as society has evolved, and that is the key word, “evolved”, chavism did not happen overnight but evolved as culture dumbed-down and it became clear that it was not “cool” to aspire to anything other than basic animal appetites (for junk food, sex, cheap bling etc). Perhaps devolved is a better word!
Jordan is the ultimate aspiration of female Chavs. She is actually much more stupid than the average Chavette which is why they (chavettes) admire her so much. She is actually now trying to pull herself out of the Chav-pit she has made for herself by writing a book about herself, no doubt mostly really ghost-written by someone else, paid for from the proceeds of all the modelling jobs she has done which evolve around her flubber-inflated chest (but isn’t she a great business woman- fuckin what?), and is trying to appear in “serious” programmes such as Book Award Ceremonies. Unfortunately, she is still seriously boring as she has neglected her mind in favour of her chest , hoping that the more silicone she has pumped into those tits, the more self-esteem and intelligenceshe will attain and therefore rather than work hard and learn, just go see the surgeon again. Easy!! Her tits have now become self-funding entities (get it?) in their own right.
So my good friends, that is my input.
Chavette 2 - wikked innit....didja get ya tablets sorted for dat smell cumming from ya minge?
Chavs are the dregs of human existence. They live merely to piss everyone else off with their love of crap clothing and manky gold jewellery.
They have taken the wearing of tracksuits and baseball caps to a new level of pikieness.
Chav girls (or chavettes) commonly sport the Croydon Facelift (hair pulled back in a bun so tight that it pulls their faces tight) with at least 6 dangly faux-gold earings in each ear. Also often seen pushing a pram round shopping centers while chain-smoking and wearing fake burberry or nasty velour tracksuits. A favourite accessory is a hideous gold articulated clown dangling from a thick gold chain around their pimply acne scarred necks.
Male chavs hang around in gangs spitting alot and trying to start fights with small children or anyone else that they could easily overpower (which really is just small children!). Once they are of driving age they obtain a clapped out old Nova or Metro and then spend a fortune (no one knows where this money comes from, it is one of the many mysteries of the chav) "maxing it up" with big wheels, sound systems and a huge "wanker pipe" exhaust. Chavs can be seen in any copy of Max Power magazine proudly displaying their efforts at automotive design - tossers !!!