| 76. | Chav | ||||
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This is the incorrect spelling that the cockneys made up. The correct spelling and pronunciation is charv. It originated from charver or charva which was the gypsie name (reason for big hoop earrings) for small child in newcastle {geordieland). Since the time when this was all it meant the definition of charv has changed completely.
A charv is now a person who: If A Girl: Wears foundation so thick it makes their skin orange Wears large hooped earrings Has their hair tied back so tightly that it gives them a home-made facelift Loads of "Bling" Usually has a pram or stroller of some sort {or a bump}{or both} If A Boy: Hooped Earing in atleast one ear Walks like hes crapped himself Both: Wears Burberry Caps Wears Burberry Scarfs Wears Tog 24s, Berghaus or Fred Perry Wears Rock Ports Usually smokes (fags or dope) Talk Out the side of their mouth, often missing of letters Is usually totally mortal {or in the case of wanna-bes fakes being totally mortal i.e. Beau Jay} Thinks they are better than everyone Usually are on dole (not that evri1 who is is necessarily a charv)(needlessly on dole that is) You may get the impression from this that all charvs are evil but this is not the case. There are a small minority of charvs that do actually have souls and although they are evil to most uncharv people are kind and respectful to the uncharvs (and their m8z) that they have known for a long time. Don't get this wrong though MOST charvs are evil! There are only SOME that hav souls! If you see a charv DO NOT look directly at them they may interprete this as ainvitation for a fight. The following onversation showsa real discussion between two normal people and three mortal charvs on the metro (both of which had flouresant orange skin: Male Charv 1: Here man hold this beer for uz
Female Charv 1: Nah man ill get picked up for dat like Male Charv 1: Ai well me 2 man here am gun stand dova dere Female Charv 1: Ai man jus coz ur ambarrassed (laughs) Female Charv 1: (to normal peep 1) Here av eida of u got 50p i can hav? Normal Person 1: No Sorry Female Charv 1: (to normal peep 2)(now slurring words) u? Normal person 2: No soz Female Charv 1: U betta not be lying to me Female charv 2: Here a bet they av, bet u got loads of dosh! Normal person 1: No we really haven't Female charv 1: Here babe that Sharon's preggaz agen female Charv 2: Ai a nah but that Clarise aint and she's like 17 god she mus b gay or summit Female Charv 1: (laughing) yeah i nah hare u person sittin there wanna c ma wrists (shows knuckles, unable to demtermine between the two)(knuckles are bruised and cut from wearing bling during punch-ups) Dya wreckons these hurt? Male Charv 1: Oi man shuz up 4 once! Female Charv 1: Ai wateva! Serusly dya reckon these hurt? Normal Peeps: Silent Female Charv 1: R yuz scared or summit? Ha ur cheeks r red! Normal peep 1 is thinking because i hav a normal skin tone and you would be this colour too if you were not covered in orange gloop (pleaz note that normal peep 1 is not saying this as she is a civilised person and would like to avoid a fight if at all possible. (metro stops at station) (not normal peeps actual stop) Normal Peep 2: (spoken to normal peep 2)(standing up)Erm this is where my mate lives so this is our stop Normal Peep 1: Oh rite of course Female Charv 1: R I bet they jus scared of uz (laugh) don't get off cos of us Normal Peeps, now at a safe distance as the metro pulls away: U mite wanna wash that crap of ya face!!! Charvs: (face screws up and bangs on window) Normal Peep 2: Time to home i think chav {soz it ses i hav 2 rite that in the example} |
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| 1. | chav | ||||
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Picture this a young lad about 12 years of age and 4 ½ feet high baseball cap at ninety degrees in a imitation addidas tracksuit, with trouser legs tucked into his socks (of course, is definitely the height of fashion). This lad is strutting around, fag in one hand jewellery al over the over, outside McDonalds acting as if he is 8 foot tall and built like a rugby player, when some poor unsuspecting adult (about 17/18) walks round the corner wanting to go to mcdonalds for his dinner glances at the young lad, the young lad jumps up in complete disgust and says “Whats your problem? Wanna make sommin of it? Bling Bling” when the adult starts to walk towards the young lad, the young lad pisses himself and runs off to either his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend or his brother in the army crying his eyes out. My mate has become a chav what can i do? answer is shoot him before it is too late
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| 2. | chav | ||||
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Derived from Chatham in Kent, this term can be applied loosely to every culture with a nasty, thieving element. There are many variants of this creature but all are subject to the following commonalities:
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Chavs are completely Amoral, having never been subjected to right and wrong by their inattentive, uncaring and often absent parents. Chavs are part Magpie, evidentially supported by their love of all things shiny, or as vaccuous, illiterate street-slang would say 'Bling'. They can be seen twokking from the Jewelry counter in Argos/Index. Whatever their ethnic background, Chavs have a built-in affinity to hip-hop/R&B, even if they are inherently racist (see the Scottish). They see their life as glamorous and cool. Chavs are for the most part, extremely stupid. However, some of them render a form of low cunning, which can be misinterpreted as intelligence. However this is false. A Chav has no desire to better themself through honest means nor learn anything outside of car modification. All chavs think that they are nails. Again, this is false. Sitting in a beaten up nova smoking lamberts does not precipitate a healthy body. The irony being that a Chav owns mainly sportswear, yet will ... |
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| 3. | Chav | ||||
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Chav - Sub species of human
Commonly thought to be of inferior intellect, the Chavette surprises us with its cunning plan to avoid taking up a professional career and provide itself with free accommodation supplied by tax payers by spawning multi coloured mini chavs at a early stage in life, usually mid teens. Clearly recognisable by their distinctive tribal Burberry they congregate in town centres and on street corners, Chavs have a reputation of being creative with public property and motor vehicles, building themselves Chaviots out of mechcano sets and strip lighting, and providing us with humorous banta written on toilet walls like ‘Shit’ and ‘Tasha woz ere’ in an attempt to relieve our boredom while urinating. Their language is a basic form of English thus avoiding any words they cannot spell or pronounce, even to the extent of creating new words only they know the meaning of. Hunting in large groups Chavs will single out the weakest, smallest prey and attack it without mercy avoiding any personal injury and insuring victory. Chavs unfortunately don't yet fall into the category of rodent and in effect cannot be bludgeoned to death under the guise of pest control. Darn!- I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you Chavs for the great contribution you’ve made to this country, you’ve made it what it what it is today – a shit hole. also see: Burdon on society.
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| 4. | Chav | ||||
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Chav can be a noun, verb or an adjective. As in “you shitty scum chav”, or “Hey I like the way you have chavved up ya car/wardrobe/lifestyle/language” etc.
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The origins of the word itself are unclear and there are a few theories, perhaps all of them correct. Nonetheless, the current criteria for being a chav applies as laid out in this dictionary and no doubt, as culture dumbs-down even more, the definition will need to be updated. Chavs will no doubt eventually, despite their in-bred lack of intelligence, cotton-on to the fact that burberry and it’s current associations foster great hatred and negativity amongst the majority of the population. This factor however, could backfire, as Chavs could consider the perpetuation of hatred and negativity as a great contribution to humanity, even if it is directed towards themselves from others. The most recent example of a celebrity Chav is Kenzie in Big Brother. (I can’t remember the name of the boy-band he is in – so uncool – but I know it had the word “Crew” or “Squad” whatever, in the name). In fact, Kenzie actually said “no” initially to being in the BB house, but when he thought long and hard about it, decided to say yes as the word “brother” as in, “bruv-va” or “bruv” for short, sounded cool and he thought it would really do wonders for his street-cred. Kenzie is actually white, but to see his clothes and hear him speak, you would think he is black. Chavism represents a cultural link with the Trailer Park Tra... |
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| 5. | chav | ||||
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Oh the simple Chav, what a constant source of amusement you are!
Chavs are the dregs of human existence. They live merely to piss everyone else off with their love of crap clothing and manky gold jewellery. They have taken the wearing of tracksuits and baseball caps to a new level of pikieness. Chav girls (or chavettes) commonly sport the Croydon Facelift (hair pulled back in a bun so tight that it pulls their faces tight) with at least 6 dangly faux-gold earings in each ear. Also often seen pushing a pram round shopping centers while chain-smoking and wearing fake burberry or nasty velour tracksuits. A favourite accessory is a hideous gold articulated clown dangling from a thick gold chain around their pimply acne scarred necks. Male chavs hang around in gangs spitting alot and trying to start fights with small children or anyone else that they could easily overpower (which really is just small children!). Once they are of driving age they obtain a clapped out old Nova or Metro and then spend a fortune (no one knows where this money comes from, it is one of the many mysteries of the chav) "maxing it up" with big wheels, sound systems and a huge "wanker pipe" exhaust. Chavs can be seen in any copy of Max Power magazine proudly displaying their efforts at automotive design - tossers !!! Look at the 20 inchers on me Nova, it's well phat innit! Bling Bling!
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| 6. | chav | ||||
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Emerging British subculture which is quickly becoming an epidemic. Chavs can be found the length and breadth of the country, hanging around any junk food outlet, off licence or just hanging around the streets, where they pass the time by vandalising property, drinking cheap cider, shouting abuse at passers by and terrorising old people.
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Appearance: Chavs have a strict dress code. Designer labels are everything, although knocked off/fake items are almost de-rigeur. Typically, the male chav will wear a Nickelson or Schott hooded top, baggy tracksuit trousers, white designer trainers, and a baseball cap by burberry or Nike. The female chav (chavette) will have peroxide blonde hair scrunched so tight into a pony tail with colourful scrunchies that her forehead stretches. She will wear a dark blue tracksuit with white stripes, an enormous puffa jacket, hoop earrings, and white trainers. Female chavs are forbidden from wearing socks, and all chavs must wear as much fake gold jewellery as they can fit on their bodies. Mobiles are an added status symbol, and when equipped, the chav must shout into it in the most anti-social way possible, using at least one expletive and the word "innit" per second. Every other word in between should be unrecognisable to non-chavs. Cars: Typically the Vauxhall Nova, but could include Ford Escort/Orion, Vauxhall Astra, and for chavs with "bling", even a totally shagged 3 series BMW. Whatever the type of car, it must have a spoiler shaped plank... |
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| 7. | chav | ||||
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The male of the species, the 'chav', is often to be found lurking in braying packs close to fast food outlets or late night stores. It displays a distinctive livery with which it attempts to attract the female ('chavette') - most commonly, the Burberry-effect baseball cap (placed at a jaunty angle, sometimes partially covering the face - this is known in some cultures as 'snidey'); the 'sports' clothing (this is somewhat confusing as the chav is not renowned for its athletic abilities) and countless items of 'bling' (Chav patois meaning jewellery or other adornments). The origins of said 'bling' are various as the chav typically possesses neither a means of employment or indeed any type of education. Chavettes, meanwhile, tend to have hair in at least two colours, ill-fitting tops and white tracksuit tops (usually Kappa). Note their ornate 'love bites': tribal cicatrices around the neck, usually perpetrated by a near-toothless male known as Kev, Daz, Gaz, Baz, Tez or some other monosyllabic name.
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Health and Education Chavs can often be seen smoking - an activity which causes them to spit and cough, but only in public places (see above). They imbibe alcohol, normally in the form of cheap lager / cider normally obtained illegally. This often gives them the impression that they are 'hard' and they will thus attempt to start fights with anyone/thing smaller than them. However, upon retaliation of their prey they tend to run away. Chavs are, believe it or not, to be fo... |
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