charvas are a group/ kind of people. they like to get pissed, say fuck, get pregnant and do anything illegal. charvas have no brains and many cannot count to 10. they stop at number 9 because that's the amount of children they have had by the age of 15. as you have probably already read, charvas like to wear "trackie b's" "rockie b's" and the ever popular tog 24 coats. most charvas die at the age of 32 due to lung cancer, (their own fault for starting smoking at the age of 11) charvas often hang around in large groups because that way they feel "hard" the only thing that's hard is a charva boys you know what when he sees a charva girl in her skin tight jeans with a bottle of cider in her hand. shazzam, a baby charva is made. charva babies are the worst babies. they are the kind of children who will be amazed at a plank of wood for hours, oh, just like dad. as you may have already noticed, i hate charvas. however, if you are a charva you probably hadn't noticed because you are all a bunch of thick shits who deserve to be shot! thank you for making my high school years a misery! (note to charvas: i was being sarcastic) that word says sarcastic. repeat after me sar-ca-s-tic. now go and tell your mammy you learnt a new word, how was her 17th birthday?!
"wot yee fuckin lookin at yee fuckin cunt?"
"who fucks like a fish?"
"will you tie mee shoe lace for is... how?"
These strange species can seem perfectly harmless until they are placed in their natural habitat. If there is a silverbacked charva who is superior to everyone as he has the latest Scooter album, the other charvas will form a protective ring around him.
These scourge plague the streets of most cities, but most of all Newcastle. The male of the species will have short spiked hair, and will pretend their voice is deep years before it has broken, which appears to be an effective mating call. The female of the species will wear truckloads of makeup and huge (often plastic) earrings the size of the millennium wheel. If temperatures are below -5 degrees C, they will feel inclined to wear a mini skirt which barely covers their hips (see also: Micro Skirt
When the male and female of the species meet, the male will put on a burbry cap to seem more attractive. Within an hour the two will have engaged in unprotected sex and whoops!...there goes another teenage pregnancy, another scum bag to pay for in our taxes!
Charvas will also force themselves to start smoking at the age of about 12, which is a sign that they are "Hard" or "Belter".
Any human verbal interaction with these vermin will result in an absolutely moronic response such as "Hew man you fucking daft cunt!" when asked to rephrase their inadequately worded statement, the same, only slightly more angry response is thrown at you.
No other 'race' other ...
An intellectually inferior specimen often found in large herds, or parliaments, on street corners swigging cider or other cheap, alcoholic beverages accross Newcastle and the North East. Can be identified by horizontally striped (hooped) jumper, burbery cap and obscenely overpriced Rockport boots. Are racist, homophobic, and fearful of any person or persons with an intellect surpassing that of a pencil. Express fear and feelings of inadequacy through violent outbursts, normally aimed at innocent passers by. Favourite pastimes consist of drinking cider, smoking, harassing members of the public, taking drugs, shoplifting, signing on, and burning cars. Thay have a limited vocabulary which mainly consists of phrases somewhere along the lines of:- "Lend,s a taaaab", "Got ennie Shnout" and "Hu the FUCK you lucking at". Particularly inarticulate. Highest concerntrations can be found inhabitting the council estates of Newcastle. When left to their own devices, they breed.
Fucking charva bastards!
If you are out walking one fine day in the north east of england, often Meadowell or Percy main, you may notice one or two strange things. One is the Charva...
HOW TO SPOT A CHARVA:- MALES
An incredibly stupid species, the male charva is no smart guy. His main aims in life are to get laid, buy a car and become builder. In high school the charv male will spend his weekends walking round the streets of tynemouth or cullercoats (or anywhere which he does not belong) cluttering up the place and making it look untidy. He will pick fights with people who are ususpecting and innocent and will make a point of choosing people who go to a school he does not like. After becoming severly drunk on three litres of ice dragon (cider) he will then begin to smash up anything and everything within reach. Once he hits college the male charva will buy or more than likely steal a car and then spend his weekends crusing around in that. The car must be a corsa, have strobes attatched to it and it must have music blaring out of all windows at full volume. They then proceed to the sea front in packs of 100 where they continue to drink (they have to beacuse otherwise they would notice how minging the lasses were). The attire is standard through out the charva family. A fake burberry cap worn at 90 degrees to the head, a stripey jumper of the Fred Perry sort and any type of tracksuit bottom. However a berghaus and a pair of rockports are a neccesity!
HOW TO SPOT A CHARVA: FEMALES......
In-depth definition, PART ONE:
CHARVA - Noun, usually the name given to the swine-hordes of unwanted bastard children who make up approximately one quarter of the native Newcastle population. The word is constructed through the corruption of the term CHARmless VAgrant. Their numbers are maintained by the inbreeding of charvae
at approx 14 years old, which results in accidental pregnancy and produces the next generation of unloved barking cabbages. Because of the rapidly shrinking gene-pool that creates charvae, vital DNA-codes are being lost and quality is being dumped in favour of quantity. The prospects of being taught to use their brains, of being educated, of making a contribution to history, of earning money, of learning at least one skill, of manipulating their environment, of producing art or of ever being possessed of self-esteem are woefully low and this means that we all feel a strong pathos for charva under-fives. The charva learning curve is actually unique in the whole world, peaking as it does at 6 years old. This is mirrored in their physical development, which hits a ceiling of about 5 feet 5 inches for males and 4 feet 9 inches for charvettes, occasionally delivering us a towering giant of 5 foot 10. If they reach 14, then the whole cycle will repeat itself in an ever-growing downward spiral. Because of this accelerated procreation rate, charva girls are actually beginning to be BORN pregnant.
'Charva girls are actually beginning to be BORN pregnant.
In-depth definition, PART NINE:
Charvae should not be mistaken for Geordies, who are a noble, radical and propsperous people. Neither should they be mixed up with other poor or low-income people in general, or with well-meaning people with learning difficulties who try their best. Charvism is in fact a very distinct form of social disease and a good way to imagine charvae if you do not live in Newcastle is to think of remedials from school, then imagine them interbreeding in class rather than learning to read. Testament to the other Geordies' will to help lift charvae above their wretched, hopeless status was the wonderful 'Let's take a charva much, much farva' campaign of 2001, which helped to raise over £63,000 for this unfortunate forgotten group. The campaign would still persist today with the famous 'HELP A CHARVA TODAY - THEY CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES' t-shirts, but all of the kindly donated money was pissed up the wall paying for tabs, pizza and SKY once it had been chored from the campaign headquarters by charvae.
The best way to upset a charva is to laugh at their poor clothes and unfortunate looks and the best way to destroy one is either to get them beaten up by a homosexual Goth in front of a laughing crowd of children, to paint 'nonce' right across the front of their house or to post their addresses in airports as havens for asylum seekers. The ultimate fate of all charvae is to be left on Earth to devolve back into the Dark Ages of random low-tech warfare,...
Primarily originated in the NE of England esp. Newcastle, the charva occupies the bottom rung of the social ladder, characterised by a love of garish sportswear, cheap jewelry and Dyson hoovers. Houses chacracterized by wallpaper stripey on top, flowery on bottom, separated by dado rail, with a ceiling fan. Toon Army wallpaper in bedroom. Tasteless but expensive sofa, widescreen TV and DVD on 20 year credit. Citrus coloured toaster and kettle. Holiday in Tenerife. Profoundly inarticulate.
How pet, there`s two charvas in the back lane. Fetch us me gun, will yu?
In-depth definition, PART TWO:
Charvae are distinct in physicality even when naked, because of their lank, gaunt, slight appearance and the look of borrowed flesh, hanging slightly loose from their bones due to their peculiar dietary habits, which lead to acute malnourishment. This gives their skin a kind of thin, translucent quality and what charvae might think of as their six-pack is actually their lower rib-cage, lending them a particularly whippet-like form. Charvae posture while clothed is still conspicuous and features numerous defects - bandy legs, bent backs and an ugly asymmetric swagger when in motion, due to one hand of the male being down their shell-suit bottoms and the hands of the female constantly pulling theirs up. The charva food-cupboard that sustains these frail bodies
comprises tinned hot-dogs, baked beans, pasta'n'sauce (for the posher ones) and may even stretch to a packet of dairylea, all bought in mountainous bulk on giro day from Netto (or maybe Morrisons if they're walking home). The charva attitude to food seems to be 'if it doesn't come in a tin, its bad for you', while fresh vegetables and fruit are considered to be 'for nonces'. White cider is the chosen beverage, which is taken several times a day at intervals, with class B drugs for added interest. Celebratory splash-out meals are had from time to time, when charvae 'get raj' at McDonalds then get mortal drunk on a fine wine, such as Lambrini, at about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. This is...