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1.
A Cargo Fucker is a shipping company or freight forwarder that does not understand that their business purpose is to serve customers in getting their cargo from A to B in an efficient and effective manner. Typical symptoms you might observe when getting in touch with Cargo Fuckers are:
- Cargo Fucker refuses to pick up the goods from your storage provider
- Cargo Fucker does not understand INCO terms
- Cargo Fucker has no clue what import regulations and customs forms are
- Cargo Fucker is unavailable or unable to answer questions such as estimated time of arrival
- Cargo Fucker promises a delivery date, but will realize he made a mistake and tell the warehouse to inform you about a different delivery date which coincidently overlaps with your 4-week business trip
- Cargo Fucker delivers to a location that is different to the location that had been agreed in the contract
- Cargo Fucker causes additional costs but does not feel responsible to cover them
- Cargo Fucker damages your cargo so that it literally looks "fucked" (similar to the "American Pie" in the movie)

The best remedy against a Cargo Fucker is to document all symptoms you experience, post it on social media to prevent others from getting infected with Cargo Fuckery, and notify the local regulatory body
Me Client: Emma, what is the estimated arrival time of my shipment in San Francisco?
Emma Cargo Fucker: The goods will arrive in San Francisco on March 31st
Susie Warehouse: Your goods arrived at our warehouse in San Leandro on April 12th. The free storage period is over. You owe us $400 or we will discard your 13 boxes
Me Client: What the fuck? Damn it, Emma was a Cargo Fucker!
Emma Cargo Fucker: *moan* Your boxes really turned me on. I was soooooo horny. I had to fuck them *moan*
by giotto April 30, 2013