Fact's about captain kickass
1. He's kickass
2. He's not actually a captain, he is mo..w3ephp;hui9
3. He just killed the man who was previously writing this article.
4. He went to prison once, and a man named Bubba tried to have his way with him. They still haven't gotten the stains off of the floor.
5. He had gone to jail for manslaughter. It was actually just the first time he had sex.
6. Those pictures of bigfoot are actually of captain kickass. he just forgot to shave.
7. He once decapitated a man with a rusty spork for pronouncing Tupac as "two-pack".
8. He stabbed a tyrannosaurus Rex with his penis once, and one month later, a man emerged from the carcass. His name is Chuck Norris.
2nd person: That explains the fact that every woman within a mile just had their water break.
1st person: But my wife's here, and she's not pregnant.
2nd person: She is now.