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387.
1. A perverse sexual act originating in Francophone Canada during the Seven Years War with the British. Realizing that French soldiers were mostly pants-wetting surrender monkeys, the French Canadian generals invented Canada's History as a means of psychological warfare against superior British forces.

- When a British soldier was captured, the French would sodomize him with a set of moose antlers for days on end, collecting the blood and fecal matter (santorum) that oozed out of his ravaged sphincter into a large silver chalice mounted on a pedestal. During his torture the Brit was deprived of food. Once the victim was near starvation a French Canadian petty officer, all of whom were nick-named "Stanley" would present the Brit with the befouled chalice and bid him to drink it.

If the Brit refused, Stanley would ply him with a little maple syrup from a bottle that he kept up his ass. Once the Brit tasted the syrup he would beg for more, and Stanley would pour the remaining syrup into the offal filled chalice, saying "drink from the Stanley Cup or starve!"

After the victim finally drank from the cup, he would be allowed to return to the British army, with the French Canadians advising him: "tell your fellow soldiers to remember Canada's History before they attack us again"!

2. A Canadian smut magazine that was once called "The Beaver"
1. Francois: "If you don't stop picking on me after school, I'm gonna borrow my dad's moose antler's and Canada's History your ass!"

2. Jean Claude: "Lets drink some wine and try out a Canada's History Tonight ma cherie"

Martine: "Only if you bought me organic maple syrup".
by Shonuf February 06, 2010
 
1.
A sexual act so depraved it cannot be explained on television.

First, take the Stanley Cup and fill it to the brim with maple syrup, then cut the antlers off of a moose (preferably live) and dip the ends into the maple syrup, then, while two women perform a sixty-nine on each other, you insert the moose antlers into their rectums and stand over them, masturbating and singing "God Save the Queen," being sure to end every phrase with "Eh?"
Hey man, did you hear how Stephen Colbert Canada's History-ed Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann? Apparently they couldn't talk without shitting themselves for a full week!
by Beaverman326 February 05, 2010
 
2.
The most depraved sexual act known to mankind kept as a hidden secret from Canada to preserve its' innocence. In detail, the ******** are inserted into ******* using the ******* with ******** moose antlers ****** **** ***** maple syrup **** ***** around five times ***** *** ******* until the **** ***** affectionately called "the Mounties" use **** ***** all over the ****. The resulting **** ***** *** ****** are then used as lubricant for ******** **** **** into ****** **** **** with ***** **** **** Stanley Cup.
I can't believe we just did Canada's History.
by EvilLepper February 05, 2010
 
3.
a sexual act designed to tell a story through symbolic devices: specifically in this case, that story is the history of Canada. As an element of foreplay, the man pours some maple syrup on the woman's body, and licks it off of her abdomen, breasts, nipples, and vulva in that respective order. In honor of Samuel De Champlain's voyage by canoe through Lake Nipissing, the man rubs is penis lengthwise along the woman's vulva, and she bears down hard to spray his genitals with her urine. Then the man and woman perform oral sex on each other, burying their faces in each other's pubic hair, representing the fur trade. The man has intercourse with the woman doggy style, while slapping her buttocks vigorously, representing the French and Indian Wars. He also fists the woman's vagina; however she subsequently fists the man's anus; this exchange represents the War of 1812. After this point in history, Canada is known mostly for participatory, but not pivotal roles in world affairs. Therefore, any combination of missionary position and fingering are used to bring the woman to orgasm, representing the post-WWII prosperity of the country. Finally, the man ejaculates all over the woman's face, representing the sovereignty of Quebec.
Wife: I just feel like there isn't any excitement in our sex life, eh.

Husband: I think it's that we just don't have enough energy after all our other responsibilities, eh, the kids, work.

Marriage Counselor: Like I haven't heard that a trillion fucking times, eh!! You two should learn Canada's History like any responsible citizens would! Now get the fuck out and fuck!!!
by Guffaw February 05, 2010
 
4.
A sex act performed often by members of Canada's high society in which maple syrup is poured generously onto the crotch of the willing female, who then mounts the face of a moose by holding onto its antlers. The Moose encouraged by the presence of the sweet syrup performs cunnilingus on the woman while the Stanley Cup is positioned below to collect the drippings. Once a sufficient volume is collected the willing male participant dips his erect phallus into the cup prior to insertion into the Moose's anus (preferably before the Moose has slurped up all the syrup). Depending upon the size of the phallus inserted into the Moose, one of two results will occur:

(1) the Moose will become agitated to some degree of insanity and attempt to buck off both the man and woman. At this point, if the couple lasts at least 8 seconds and both reach the point of orgasm, they win the Stanley Cup. This is referred to as the "Two Canucks, One Cup" Rodeo.

(2) the Moose will become aroused, and will proceed to insert itself into the female. If the female is unwilling, a suitable midget replacement will suffice.
Oh, snap! Did you see Steven Colbert and Sarah Palin do Canada's History to Bullwinkle while Rocky watched?
by wizztopizz February 09, 2010
 
5.
A depraved sex act which involves inserting the stanley cup in to a womens ass. Then soaking your penis in maple syrup. Sticking the maple syrup up her vagina. then takeing your maple syrup soaked penis and comencing to throat fuck the women all while humming "oh canada"
Thanks stephen colbert
guy 1: you know that Rachel girl?

Guy 2: yeah.

Guy 1: dude i gave her the complete canadas history last night!
by That fatguy February 04, 2010
 
6.
This terrifying, little-practiced sex act requires elaborate staging and great acrobatic strength. First, the nude, submissive participant stands before the Stanley cup. The submissive lowers their head into the cup. The dominant participant approaches from behind with a decanter of warmed maple syrup, which is poured liberally onto the head and genitals of the submissive. Using thinly-sliced Canadian bacon as a prophylactic, the dominant penetrates the anus of the submissive with the body part or object of their choice, while simultaneously scoring the submissive's back with the antlers of a moose. Coitus ensues. Traditionally, the climax of either partner is marked by shouting the name of the band Rush's singer and bass player, "Geddy Lee!"
Right after my partner marked me with the Dirty Sanchez, I retorted with a Canada's history.
by dragonfucker February 06, 2010
 
7.
Canada's History is a depraved sexual act first performed around 1898 in the lawless Yukon territory by "Meaty" Georges Gagnon, a French-Canadian prospector during the Klondike Gold Rush. Georges performed the act on many willing and unwilling men, women, children, and domesticated animals (the rumors of this act being performed on moose and kodiak bears are unconfirmed). The act was called a "Dark mar on Canada's History" by local politicians, and "the only interesting thing in Canada's History" by American papers sensationalizing the Klondike Gold Rush.

The act itself was said to originally consist of Georges approaching with moose antlers strapped to his head. Georges (known for having meaty lumberjack hands) would then proceed to fist the orifice of his victim. Georges would proceed to insert his penis into the fist within the orifice and masturbate to ejaculation.

Georges used "the only lubrication worthy of a true Canadian Gold Man", maple syrup. He would chug the syrup, while cursing the Queen and lavishly praising Gold.

Modernly, the act has changed to honor hockey legend, Wayne Gretzky (many considered it source of his greatness). A proper rendition of Canada's History now requires that the victim be bent over, face resting in the cup, which is filled to the brim with maple syrup.

The act risks asphyxiation and is so dangerous that Canadian Healthcare System uses a form called a 1206c(h), which is to be filled out in the case of injuries resulting from the act.
Roommate 1: Geez, eh, you were loud last night with that girl. What were you doing in there, Canadas History?

Roommate 2: No, but not for a lack of trying, eh. We were out of maple syrup.

Roommate 1: Fine Canadians we are eh? Forgive us Georges.
by kingkongNINJA February 06, 2010