Two people head out into the woods, attack and immobilizes a moose, then proceed to tag-team copulate with the creature while sawing off its antlers. The two each hold an end of the antlers and wrassle with it on the moose's back, still coupled with the creature; they compete to force a bottle of maple syrup off the moose's back, to one side or another. The winner receives the Stanley Cup, or a reasonable facsimile if the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto cannot be reached, and the right to use the syrup, antlers, restraints, and Cup on the loser in any way they see fit. The loser receives the right to several hours-long hypnotherapy sessions to remove the memory of the entire event from their mind, ensuring it will resurface again and again in the victim's subconscious, rising to pillage the mind like a psychological Godzilla only to return to mysterious dormancy just as suddenly, thus providing an explanation for much of Canada's History.
Oh, so Harper lost a game of Canada's History? That explains quite a bit.
A sexual act so depraved it cannot be explained on television.
First, take the Stanley Cup and fill it to the brim with maple syrup, then cut the antlers off of a moose (preferably live) and dip the ends into the maple syrup, then, while two women perform a sixty-nine on each other, you insert the moose antlers into their rectums and stand over them, masturbating and singing "God Save the Queen," being sure to end every phrase with "Eh?"
Hey man, did you hear how Stephen Colbert Canada's History-ed Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann? Apparently they couldn't talk without shitting themselves for a full week!
The most depraved sexual act known to mankind kept as a hidden secret from Canada to preserve its' innocence. In detail, the ******** are inserted into ******* using the ******* with ******** moose antlers ****** **** ***** maple syrup **** ***** around five times ***** *** ******* until the **** ***** affectionately called "the Mounties" use **** ***** all over the ****. The resulting **** ***** *** ****** are then used as lubricant for ******** **** **** into ****** **** **** with ***** **** **** Stanley Cup.
I can't believe we just did Canada's History.
a sexual act designed to tell a story through symbolic devices: specifically in this case, that story is the history of Canada
. As an element of foreplay
, the man
pours some maple syrup
on the woman's body, and licks it off of her abdomen
, and vulva
in that respective order. In honor of Samuel De Champlain
's voyage by canoe
through Lake Nipissing
, the man rubs is penis lengthwise along the woman's vulva, and she bears down hard to spray his genitals
with her urine
. Then the man and woman
perform oral sex
on each other, burying their faces in each other's pubic hair
, representing the fur trade
. The man has intercourse
with the woman doggy style
, while slapping
A sex act performed often by members of Canada's high society in which maple syrup is poured generously onto the crotch of the willing female, who then mounts the face of a moose by holding onto its antlers. The Moose encouraged by the presence of the sweet syrup performs cunnilingus on the woman while the Stanley Cup is positioned below to collect the drippings. Once a sufficient volume is collected the willing male participant dips his erect phallus into the cup prior to insertion into the Moose's anus (preferably before the Moose has slurped up all the syrup). Depending upon the size of the phallus inserted into the Moose, one of two results will occur:
(1) the Moose will become agitated to some degree of insanity and attempt to buck off both the man and woman. At this point, if the couple lasts at least 8 seconds and both reach the point of orgasm, they win the Stanley Cup. This is referred to as the "Two Canucks, One Cup" Rodeo.
(2) the Moose will become aroused, and will proceed to insert itself into the female. If the female is unwilling, a suitable midget replacement will suffice.
Oh, snap! Did you see Steven Colbert and Sarah Palin do Canada's History to Bullwinkle while Rocky watched?
A depraved sex act which involves inserting the stanley cup in to a womens ass. Then soaking your penis in maple syrup. Sticking the maple syrup up her vagina. then takeing your maple syrup soaked penis and comencing to throat fuck the women all while humming "oh canada"
Thanks stephen colbert
guy 1: you know that Rachel girl?
Guy 2: yeah.
Guy 1: dude i gave her the complete canadas history last night!
This terrifying, little-practiced sex act requires elaborate staging and great acrobatic
strength. First, the nude
participant stands before the Stanley cup. The submissive lowers their head into the cup. The dominant
participant approaches from behind with a decanter of warmed maple syrup, which is poured liberally onto the head and genitals
of the submissive. Using thinly-sliced Canadian bacon
as a prophylactic
, the dominant penetrates the anus
of the submissive with the body part or object of their choice, while simultaneously scoring the submissive's back with the antlers of a moose
ensues. Traditionally, the climax
of either partner is marked by shouting the name of the band Rush's singer and bass player, "Geddy Lee!"
Right after my partner marked me with the Dirty Sanchez, I retorted with a Canada's history.
Canada's History is a depraved sexual act first performed around 1898 in the lawless Yukon territory by "Meaty" Georges Gagnon, a French-Canadian prospector during the Klondike Gold Rush. Georges performed the act on many willing and unwilling men, women, children, and domesticated animals (the rumors of this act being performed on moose and kodiak bears are unconfirmed). The act was called a "Dark mar on Canada's History" by local politicians, and "the only interesting thing in Canada's History" by American papers sensationalizing the Klondike Gold Rush.more...
The act itself was said to originally consist of Georges approaching with moose antlers strapped to his head. Georges (known for having meaty lumberjack hands) would then proceed to fist the orifice of his victim. Georges would proceed to insert his penis into the fist within the orifice and masturbate to ejaculation.
Georges used "the only lubrication worthy of a true Canadian Gold Man", maple syrup. He would chug the syrup, while cursing the Queen and lavishly praising Gold.
Modernly, the act has changed to honor hockey legend, Wayne Gretzky (many considered it source of his greatness). A proper rendition of Canada's History now requires that the victim be bent over, face resting in the cup, which is filled to the brim with maple syrup.
The act risks asphyxiation and is so dangerous that Canadian Healthcare System uses a form called a 1206c(h), which is to be filled out in the case of injuries resulting from the act.