Calgary is a beautiful city in western Canuckistan. It is known by insiders for a nearly omnipotent police force; indeed, the Calgary police regularly catches heinous criminals in the act of parking more than 200 cm from the curb.

The city with the most insanely expensive cars per capita.

For the mathematically inclined, Calgary's road system was designed from scratch to be an example that shows that solving NP-complete problems while driving is bad.

Calgary consistently ranks in the top 10 cities in terms of quality of life and eco-friendliness. These are less defining characteristics, and more properties. However, a defining characteristic is that Calgary receives the second strongest Chinook winds; Lethebridge receiving the strongest Chinook winds. Chinook winds are sent by the Gods to make everyone sick by quickly altering the temperature from -20 to +20.
Driver: I got a ticket for having my steering wheel turned to 22 degrees while parked.
Friend: You must have parked in Calgary.
At a distance...
Police trainee (to Officer): Shouldn't I feel bad about giving such ridiculous tickets.
Police officer: No. Everybody in Calgary is rich.
Newcomer to Calgary: Whoa, is that a Ferrari being followed by a Lamborghini?
Calgarian: Pick your jaw up! I bought two last week, you can have one if you want.
Driver: How do I get to your place; I'm on the opposite end of the city?
Friend on phone: It's easy. Just solve the k-Clique problem for k=33.
If it's too cold for you, wait 10 minutes.
by Calgarian November 08, 2011
Perhaps the City of Calgary should be called the Shitty of Calgary, or better yet,
Calgary has some serious problems that appear to only be getting worse.
by bonnelame May 29, 2008
First nations (Blackfoot tribe) to mean "where rivers meet" reffering to the bow and elbow river
Bow and elbow river meet in calgary
by roylay February 08, 2013
The part of Canada that thinks it's Texas.
Dude, I just went on vacation to Calgary, and there was a parade with all these fake cowboys and shit.
by insane adventurer March 10, 2015
Located in the transition zone between the foothills of the Rockies and the prairies, Calgary is a dry, treeless city where the grass is never really green. Amazingly enough, this reflects Calgary's personality perfectly.

When I was at my cousin's house in the south of the city, I walked down the path that led away from his backyard and stood on the edge of the hill. Before me was a vast exapnse of brown covered in rows upon rows of cookie-cutter suburbs with no trees. Everything was so new, so spread out and so ugly. If one said the city had a soul, this would be it.

Edmonton is well on its way to becoming like this.
There is nothing to which to compare Calgary, at least not that I know of. Its lifelessness is one of a kind.
by Colonel Graff June 18, 2009
A city in Alberta, Western Canada. A right-wing, oil-rich, poorly planned-out traffic jam that is run by faux-cowboy hicks who have lots of money but no idea how to spend it practically or efficiently. Calgary is the homeless capital of the world. There are so many bums downtown that they might actually constitute a voting block. Calgary is also the rape capital of Canada, sexual assaults on women being a favorite pastime for immigrants and locals alike. Calgary is also chock full of drug-gangs, grow-ops, and mentally-ill street codgers. The courts don't actually lock-up criminals, instead they let them out after 12 hours of cushy containment. Watch out for swarming immigrant teenagers who will beat the shit out of you for the fun of it. The hockey team sucks, too.
Calgary has a billion-dollar surplus but more bums than Southeast Asia.
by WingSt. December 23, 2007
Treeless town 600 km west of Saskatoon.
Hey, let's go to Calgary and get some mullets. You betcha!!
by Jeff the Skid December 09, 2003

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