A city in Alberta, Canada, it is either loved or hated. Contrary to popular belief, it is not populated by hard working blue collar cowboys, but by an astounding number of metrosexuals and Asians. It is extremely rare to meet someone in Calgary who was actually born there, as the majority of its inhabitants simply migrated there to earn lots of easy money. Because of this, Calgary is extremely diverse.

Calgary is notorious for its awful traffic, as the city was never designed for the massive amounts of foreign females that currently terrorize the streets. Road construction is a year round occurrence.

Calgary is also notorious for its lively nightlife, with a hodgepodge of nightclubs strewn throughout the various industrial parks. Because of the utter disgrace of a transit system, drunk driving is the preferred and safest method of transport.

Calgarian women are known as some of the most beautiful in the world, due to additives in the water treatment system. However, they are also some of the most demanding, with the vast majority not attracted to good looks or personality, but rather the fat wads of wonderful money that a man may possess. Women who are not absolutely perfect quickly become vapid sluts that can be had for the price of one or two drinks.

Besides alcohol abuse, there is extremely little to actually do in the city. A once a year festival know as the Calgary Stampede was implemented to introduce this extreme state of constant intoxication and public drunkenness to the rest of the world.

Despite several shortcomings, Calgary is still know the best city in Canada, and is accepted throughout the scientific world as being the true center of the universe.
"Lets go to Calgary, it's full of hot people and cheap liquor!"

"Holy fuck, Calgary has almost as many Asians as Hongcouver!"
#calgary #alberta #canada #slut #alcohol
by Bunnies April 15, 2009
n. Etymologists are divided over whether it derives from the Latin word, calgarus, meaning "crass," or a blackfoot word, calgaree, meaning, "strange race in cowboy boots who guzzle thick black liquid from the ground ." In current colloquial usage it is slang for "second-best."
Leno is just so calgary compared to Letterman.
by E.J. Cochrane August 17, 2005
Concrete city located 51°03' latitude and 114°05' longitude in Alberta, Canada.

The city is a giant network of poorly planned and poorly maintained road systems, causing mass congestion in a city with only 900,000 people. It sports a bare minimum 'tram' system which does not even reach the airport, and is often littered with homeless people who can ride the trains for free in downtown.

The homeless dominate the north-eastern downtown core, and even have their own purpose built hotel, with rates starting at $0 per night. The homeless population can be seen killing each other outside the Cecil Hotel.

Older suburbs are beginning to show their age and are the shanty towns of Calgary. Lack of city investment is aiding their rapid demise, and fueling the local criminal population.
Pedestrians and cars both get the green light at the same time. It's called population control.
by Madtroll June 03, 2004
Calgary is an essentially boring, lifeless city in Alberta, Canada with delusions of grandeur. One of the worst examples of urban sprawl in North America it's ecological footprint is massive. So much so that water is becoming a major issue. It is famous for the Calgary Stampede which is a drunken corporate boozefest designed to convince people that Calgary still has anything at all to do with Cowboys.
An essentially a white collar city obsessed with being " a world class city". It should be noted however, that inland cities are rarely world class. Having grown by more than 200,000 people in the last 20 many who come from other larger more cosmopolitan cities despise the fact that Calgary has no arts scene to speak of. The philharmonic teeters on bankruptcy every few years, and the jazz festival died a nasty death due to financial problems.

Calgary is a city, for the most part of hard workers and hard drinkers. Having one of the highest per capita alcohol consumption rates the standard problems arise. However, since most of Calgary is middle class, alcoholism & drug abuse are relabled conspicuous consumption.

Having lived in Calgary my whole life not being white has been a definite plus. It's great to have fun at the rednecks expense and they are usually shocked to discover a margin of education or a sharp wit.

On the subject of well bred white girls a lot of them do get fed up with the redneck attitudes of a lot of white guys. The basically means that if you're not white as long as your a decent man you can date any woman that you want. That being said a lot of girls in Calgary are gold diggers regardless of color. They will ask you in the first five minutes of meeting you, what you do, how much money you make and what you drive. Caution must be applied as a lot of these women are interested in what they can get out of the relationship, not in the man per se. Be vague in matters of money and things will go a lot better. They will be forced to be a little more creative in their legwork which only benifits you, as a guy.
#calgary #alberta #canada #prairie #stampede
by 156 July 23, 2006
Calgary is a beautiful city in western Canuckistan. It is known by insiders for a nearly omnipotent police force; indeed, the Calgary police regularly catches heinous criminals in the act of parking more than 200 cm from the curb.

The city with the most insanely expensive cars per capita.

For the mathematically inclined, Calgary's road system was designed from scratch to be an example that shows that solving NP-complete problems while driving is bad.

Calgary consistently ranks in the top 10 cities in terms of quality of life and eco-friendliness. These are less defining characteristics, and more properties. However, a defining characteristic is that Calgary receives the second strongest Chinook winds; Lethebridge receiving the strongest Chinook winds. Chinook winds are sent by the Gods to make everyone sick by quickly altering the temperature from -20 to +20.
Driver: I got a ticket for having my steering wheel turned to 22 degrees while parked.
Friend: You must have parked in Calgary.
At a distance...
Police trainee (to Officer): Shouldn't I feel bad about giving such ridiculous tickets.
Police officer: No. Everybody in Calgary is rich.
----
Newcomer to Calgary: Whoa, is that a Ferrari being followed by a Lamborghini?
Calgarian: Pick your jaw up! I bought two last week, you can have one if you want.
----
Driver: How do I get to your place; I'm on the opposite end of the city?
Friend on phone: It's easy. Just solve the k-Clique problem for k=33.
----
If it's too cold for you, wait 10 minutes.
#calgary #alberta #toronto #edmonton #vancouver #norfolk #chinook #police #np-complete #road #crime
by Calgarian November 08, 2011
Located in the transition zone between the foothills of the Rockies and the prairies, Calgary is a dry, treeless city where the grass is never really green. Amazingly enough, this reflects Calgary's personality perfectly.

When I was at my cousin's house in the south of the city, I walked down the path that led away from his backyard and stood on the edge of the hill. Before me was a vast exapnse of brown covered in rows upon rows of cookie-cutter suburbs with no trees. Everything was so new, so spread out and so ugly. If one said the city had a soul, this would be it.

Edmonton is well on its way to becoming like this.
There is nothing to which to compare Calgary, at least not that I know of. Its lifelessness is one of a kind.
#calgary #boring #lifeless #dull #brown #treeless #corporate
by Colonel Graff June 18, 2009
Perhaps the City of Calgary should be called the Shitty of Calgary, or better yet, shittyofcalgary.com.
Calgary has some serious problems that appear to only be getting worse.
#calgary #alberta #oil #gas #engineers
by bonnelame May 29, 2008
A city in Alberta, Western Canada. A right-wing, oil-rich, poorly planned-out traffic jam that is run by faux-cowboy hicks who have lots of money but no idea how to spend it practically or efficiently. Calgary is the homeless capital of the world. There are so many bums downtown that they might actually constitute a voting block. Calgary is also the rape capital of Canada, sexual assaults on women being a favorite pastime for immigrants and locals alike. Calgary is also chock full of drug-gangs, grow-ops, and mentally-ill street codgers. The courts don't actually lock-up criminals, instead they let them out after 12 hours of cushy containment. Watch out for swarming immigrant teenagers who will beat the shit out of you for the fun of it. The hockey team sucks, too.
Calgary has a billion-dollar surplus but more bums than Southeast Asia.
#calgary #canada #crime #oil #west
by WingSt. December 23, 2007
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