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1.
A gargantuum haemorrhoid of colossal proportions, protruding from the 'annus' like a shiny purple cucumber of the size which would have nuns doing press-ups in cucumber fields.
"Christ Nora, what the hell is that poking out of your arse?"

"It's me 'Farmer Giles' Edie, they're terrible bad at this time of year!"

"Shiver me timbers! I thought you were giving birth to a blimp - that thing makes a blue whale look like a Tic Tac!"

"Well, the doctor gave me some tablets, suppositories he called 'em, but for all the good they did I might as well have shoved them up my arse! Bloody bumcumbers!"
by Andrealphus June 24, 2010