Gave birth to the demon spawn nudger Renesmee Carlie Cullen (a.k.a. Nessie)
And with its release it destroyed a fan base with a mere 800 pages
-Bella (18 year old human) and Edward (108 year old vampire) get married.
-Bella and Edward have vampire sex and Bella ends up with bruises and feathers all over her body (Edward bit a pillow)
-Her eggo gets preggo (major plot hole- Edward is a vampire so his sperm is dead) with a demon child that sucks her blood and breaks her ribs, pelvis, and spine from the inside of her uterus.
-Edward gives Bella a C-section with his teeth.
-They name the baby RENESMEE. poor kid. gonna get beat up in the school yard. :/
-Bella becomes a vampire and they have sex a bunch of times.
-Volturi want to kill Renesmee
-For 200 pgs, they fret and worry about how they're all gonna die
-They convince the Volturi Renesmee isn't a threat. That's right, no fight scene or anything.
-They live happily ever after. Even the title of the last chapter is titled "Happily Ever After"
I recommend this book to: airheads, morons, anyone who wants to spoon their eyes out
(the ending to Breaking Dawn = corny)
A 12 step sum up of Breaking Dawn
1. Bella marries Edward in a sickeningly-sweet wedding.
2. They go on honeymoon and consummate their marriage (although re-reading is needed to understand that they actually did do it) using pillows and headboards.
3. Edward beats the shit out of Bella during the unmentioned act and vows not to do it again until she is a vampire (which, in all honestly, is really quiet sensible and realistic), but she then seduces him and they continue the unmentioned.
4. Bella becomes pregnant by mutant vampire sperm attacking her womb. Edward know this will hurt her and wants her to get rid of it (again, sensible), but Bella stupidly falls in love with the baby freak and will not allow it.
5. The pregnancy is dragged on through about 100 pages of boringness interspersed with gross vampire pregnancy-ness.
6. Bella FINALLY gives birth in a terrifying R rated movie way, which involved the baby exploding from her insides (think if the movie Alien), which breaking her bones, basically destroying her. Oh yeah, and Edward gives her a C-section with his teeth. Yum.
7. Jacob the werewolf imprints on the mutant baby. Poor Jacob.
8. Bella becomes a vampire and they all play happy family for about 200 VERY LONG pages.
9. The Volturi find out about the mutant baby Reneesme, uh-oh. Finally some action!
10. Preparations are made for the Volturi's arrival; you begin to feel slightly interested in the book, wondering who will die (hopefully the freak child).
11. The Volturi come, 100 pages of discussion and they leave. No fight, no (real) deaths. The suspense was for nothing. You begin to start the fire to burn the book.
12. They return to playing happy family. Insert book in fire.
Yeah, Breaking Dawn. The only thing it has broken is thousands of dedicated fans' souls. Thanks Meyer.
Fan 2: Yeah, I just finished it now.
Fan 1: Wanna come found to my house and burn it with me?
Person A: I don't know whether to cry, burn it, or return it
Person B: Yeah, I think part of me just died
Me: WTF Stephanie Meyer?!
Read the first 50 pages...
Put it down...
Promised self to try and read it later... Didn't read it later...
Regretted not returning it after losing the reciept.
This book is sitting on my shelf and waiting for me to run out of firewood.