|1.||Brazilian Boner Spider|
Also known as the Brazilian Wandering Spider, this bad-ass spider is from Brazil. If this guy bites you, your dick is going to be harder than cold steel for, like, eight hours. So much so, that it might rip the skin.
After being bitten and experiencing the aformentioned rock-solid 8-hour bone, one may die or at least experience impotence for life.
The only cure to this impotence is another bite from the boner spider! Once again, this may cause death, but you will also experience a wild, 8-hour boner.
"So I went to Brazil, and met this chick at Carnivale, but I was so drunk that I couldn't get it up. Then, this spider bit me. I think it was called the Brazilian Boner Spider. Anyway, we got it on for like 8 hours. It hurt a lot, but you know what they say: when in Rome. After we finished, she left and I almost died. After 6 weeks in a dirty Brazilian hospital, I was finally able to come home. Now I can't get a boner any more. I'm thinking about buying one of those spiders and have it bite my dick every time I'm ready to get it on."