Turns out this sick nasty disease surfaced sometime on October 15th 1985. This rare condition not only attacks alcohol dehydrogenase, it accounts for drinks that you imagined drinking. The symptoms are easy to identify. The afflicted host will act excessively drunk, try to leave parties on new year's eve to hang with chicks in a different town, get dry humped in jacuzzi bathtubs, get knob jobs from the heinous spawn of lucifer, and disappear to do work in the lavish lobby of your local Holiday Inn. The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation has provided 3 billion dollars to research this horrible affliction, but no cure is visible within the near future. Stephen Hawking proposed the Quantum Black Vortex of Drinking Theorem, which states that claiming to and not letting anyone see you drink 22 'biers' can induce the same level of alcoholic euphoria present after someone pounds 15 shots of Wolfschmidt in 12 minutes. Turns out that this disease is communicable and can survive in the air for excess of 15 months. Just this past Wednesday, Brian exhibited extreme symptoms after only 3 beers. He attained level 4 Bloomitis, just below level 5, which only occurs in one person, claiming to say that his tolerence is lower now, such that he can start feeling "it" after only 8 beers in 15 minutes. Basically, Chris and Alex get ridiculous after only a few drinks and claim they had about "18 nasty shots of Jaeger after the sweet 30 rack of IceHouse"
Daniel-"How many beers did you have Brian, that is, after I passed out in the mulch?"
Brian-"Shit man, I don't know. But Shrek 2 towels are pretty sick"
Ryan-"GNARLY brah. you like got intense as shit level 4 bloomitis. Sup Kapanen"
Alex-"Get the fuck outta here, Hermione. Just get with Ron"
Kyle-"Yeah, Bloomitis fucking parking garage tickets"
Michael-"I mean shit Fleur. Your loyalty to Bill is stronger than my Patronus"
Chris-"Come on man, close the door. Kim, don't get with me"