This critically acclaimed and book (also referred to as "The Holy Bible") is one of the all-time bestselling science fiction/fantasy/bullshit novels. It has even sold more copies than Harry Potter, making it the most successful work of fiction ever. The book follows the chronology and adventures of "God", a seemingly omnipotent and ubiquitous fellow. This book has been highly controversial, as it is involves murder, rape, incest, and other sorts of epic shit. It has been so successful that it has even managed to garner its own cult following (for some reason calling themselves "Christians"). Many gullible dumbfucks have referred to this book as a scripture of their "religion", whatever the hell that is. It is believed that "God" created the universe with no other reason than to play a game of "The Sims" against his brother-in-law turned arch-nemesis, Satan.

Strangely, as well as being the bestselling work of fiction, it is also one of the most critically panned pieces of shit ever; it has gained notoriety for having been given a -28% approval rating by Rotten Tomatoes, and the only thing on their site labeled "utter buffalo shit".

An ancient novel full of murder, corruption, homosexuality, bestiality, incest and cruelty. It is often read to children on Sunday.

The Bible is probably the best book ever. You can use it as a coaster, hit people with it, look funny and quote it, eat the pages, fire fuel, toilet paper, start a war, control the stoopid people of the world, read it and become president, Hanaukkah present, piss off the Muslims, and turn back the clock.

Old Testament: God creates the universe and he sees it and it's serious business, but then Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls Eve, telling her " Apple or GTFO"(cuz she was already showing tits). She chooses the former and then her and her fuck buddy Adam get b& from Eden for being trollbait. Then a lot of serious fucking incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains a lot, really).

Then later, God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler pwning the jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens up the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient Nazis; God Lol'd.

Some other less important shit happens, mostly composed of a bunch of faggots writing emo poetry about god for him to fap to.

New Testament: God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday God gave Jesus more cheat codes than he gave Moses, plus the rcon password for life, and some CP.

Later, Jesus became a hard core ska punk and trolled the old school jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had god mode turned on though, so he waited 3 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into life's server, and laughed at the Jews.

After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this faggot Paul wrote an assload of shit about sex being evil and a bunch...

#1 Fiction Best Seller

A tremendous book that cultivates the belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

A historically ficticious piece of literature written to inspire the gullible, bring fear to small children and provide a good substitute for fire wood. Does not mention dinosaurs.

The Bible in 50 words...

God made, Adam bit, Noah arked, Abraham split, Joseph ruled, Jacob fooled,Bush talked, Moses balked, Pharaoh plagued, people walked, sea divided, tablets guided, Promise landed, Saul freaked, David peeked, prophets warned, Jesus born, God walked, love talked, anger crucified, hope died, Love rose, Spirit flamed, Word spread, God remained.