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77.
The PROVEN and spoken word of God, the Creator of the Universe and owner of our soul. The Bible cannot be destroyed. People have tried to eradicate the Word or prove it to be false for centuries but have failed at very attempt, proving the Bible to be the everlasting Word of God. The #1 best selling book of all time. It is divided into the Old (the Torah by Jews) and New Testaments (the new word from which Jesus said) and 66 books. The Bible is filled with stories, allegories and prophecies to testify the existance of a Creator and our human position between the forces of good and evil. Was written over a course of thousands of years spanning from Moses (who wrote Genesis) to John (who wrote Revelation on the island of Patmos) near the end of the first century.
The Bible is the living, breathing, everlasting Word of God and CANNOT be proven false. It has predicted the future with 100 percent accuracy so we can be sure of the existance of God and that Jesus is his Son watching over us who has established a moral code and laws for us, as humans, to live by. If we don't, then we will be judged by it at judgment day. Period!!
by krock1dk October 09, 2007
131 141
 
1.
An ancient novel full of murder, corruption, homosexuality, bestiality, incest and cruelty. It is often read to children on Sunday.
27089 17697
 
2.
The Bible is probably the best book ever. You can use it as a coaster, hit people with it, look funny and quote it, eat the pages, fire fuel, toilet paper, start a war, control the stoopid people of the world, read it and become president, Hanaukkah present, piss off the Muslims, and turn back the clock.
I used my bible yesterday as a fiber subustitute.
by MistahTom December 07, 2005
6436 3913
 
3.
Old Testament: God creates the universe and he sees it and it's serious business, but then Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls Eve, telling her " Apple or GTFO"(cuz she was already showing tits). She chooses the former and then her and her fuck buddy Adam get b& from Eden for being trollbait. Then a lot of serious fucking incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains a lot, really).

Then later, God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler pwning the jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens up the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient Nazis; God Lol'd.

Some other less important shit happens, mostly composed of a bunch of faggots writing emo poetry about god for him to fap to.

New Testament: God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday God gave Jesus more cheat codes than he gave Moses, plus the rcon password for life, and some CP.

Later, Jesus became a hard core ska punk and trolled the old school jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had god mode turned on though, so he waited 3 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into life's server, and laughed at the Jews.

After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this faggot Paul wrote an assload of shit about sex being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never fucking said but everybody listened to Paul anyway because they're stupid.

THE END

- By Noah McHugh
I read the bible, it was epic as hell.
by Noah McHugh May 09, 2008
4793 2270
 
4.
#1 Fiction Best Seller
what is the need for a bible example?
by lulZmEaN December 29, 2007
2904 1854
 
5.
A tremendous book that cultivates the belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
The Bible helped me stop masturbating and taught me the value of space docking with God.
by Netaungrot August 29, 2007
2288 1498
 
6.
A historically ficticious piece of literature written to inspire the gullible, bring fear to small children and provide a good substitute for fire wood. Does not mention dinosaurs.
"Gee whiz! The bible does not mention dinosaurs. Must be based on factual occurences!"

"The priest read the bible alone with the children. He must be a good guy and not a pedophile"
by krey1112 July 27, 2009
1458 986
 
7.
The Bible in 50 words...

God made, Adam bit, Noah arked, Abraham split, Joseph ruled, Jacob fooled,Bush talked, Moses balked, Pharaoh plagued, people walked, sea divided, tablets guided, Promise landed, Saul freaked, David peeked, prophets warned, Jesus born, God walked, love talked, anger crucified, hope died, Love rose, Spirit flamed, Word spread, God remained.
- What other book has all the words from the Bible?
- A dictionary.
by alvit May 20, 2009
962 580