something thats not catholic; synonomous with high divorce rates, jerry falwell (with his mother in the outhouse) and mainly hypocritical, holier than thou bullshit. see every religion tries to prove its better...in the end catholocism wins by a billion and a half so you baptists can go to hell, which is where your goin when jesus bitch slaps you down to satan...you know what, ill do it, your not worty of jesus' hand...i offically call dibs on the baptist bitch-slaper to hell guy
Jesus: i see your here for the profesional Bitch Slaping Baptist job?
Jesus: Why Should i Hire You?
Me: Because you dont have to get your hands dirty in southern redneck inbreds whose lives center around being punished to hell, so i figured id give them what they want
Jesus: I Like your Style, Lets See How Well You do, how does tuesday sound?
Me: No Problem
Jesus: Ok From Now on You are now my Pimphand Bitchslapper...if they ask, tell 'em J hired you and give them a ton of hope that they'll get into heaven, then bitchslap them into satans asshole...
me: Sounds Good
Jesus: Peace, im going to go with peter to bless some kids or some shit like that
me: see u around...
2. " did not have sex with my mother in an outhouse...it was my father"-Jerry Falwell
A member of one of several hundred Christian denominations who all agree that the the Bible is the literal word of God, but don't agree with each other. See fundamentalist, fucktard
Q. What religion are you, Reformed Baptist?
A. No, they're going to Hell(tm). I'm a Sovergn Grace Baptist.
The reason I have to drive 30 miles to buy liquor. Also the reason I can't buy liquor on Sundays.
I'd love to live in a city not run by Baptists so that I don't have to drive to the ghetto to buy liquor.
Part of a Christian movement relating to protestant Christianity. Baptist emphasise Believers Baptism, ie accepting God as saviour and Lord and being dunked in a pool of water in front of hundreds of people. In the late 1990s, there were about 43 million Baptists worldwide with about 33 million in the United States.
Baptists often form working groups, ie Southern Baptist Alliance, to support each other. There is also a Baptist World Alliance which is chaired by Rev. David Coffey
He is part of the Baptist family
A variation of the Christian religion, it is common in the United States in an area known as the Bible Belt, which covers all of the Deep South. Baptists claim that they are the original church, started by John the Baptist, but this is untrue. The Baptist religion, like all other variations of Christianity, exists only because of Martin Luther, who instituted the much needed Reformation during a time of great corruption in the Catholic Church.more...
Baptists beleive that heaven is reached through, of course, baptism, and deep faith in Jesus Christ. They are know for their aggressive recruiting of new followers and almost militant approach to people who challenge their beleifs or do not fit their ideals. They are almost competitive with other religions in their attempts to gain followers.
Their Churches are usually large and impressive, and the bigger ones are well funded, or privately owned.
Baptist children will ask you if you beleive in Jesus Christ, and may tell you that you are going to Hell if you say no. They tend to completely accept their parents opinions without question.
And discussion with a Baptist about religion will most likely turn into an arguement about the fate of your soul, who will probably be heading downstairs, in their opinion.
Baptists also tend to make a great fuss about such topics as
Look at that pathetic baptist, still fretting over gay marriage. What a fucktard.
right-wing christian wackballs who believe the bible is the literal word of god. there are many different kinds of baptist, all claiming that they are the true ones going to heaven, because they believe one minuscule detail that some other kind doesnt, and that other kind is going to hell. pretty messed up, but can be really nice people. don't get that the bible's stories can all be translated metaphorically to represent larger things in life.
Baptist: "well, in the bible, some children are stoned to death because they disobey their orders, so i guess we should all stone jimmy for forgetting to do the kitty litter last night..."
There are three main variations on Baptist.
1. The well adjusted baptist: Self explanitory. Lacks most of the defining characteristics of the other classes of Baptists. Well adjusted people who are pretty intelligent and usually rather proficiant in debate. In my experience, these people are few and far between. Are also more open minded to issues like gay marriage and abortion.
2. The nearly-hardcore baptist: A watered down version of the hardcore baptist. Are close minded and stupid. Can be found in places similar to Ansley Park in Atlanta. Close minded as all get-out, but they're not the type of people to go bomb a clinic, mainly due to the concern that they might get the blood of a sinner on their khakis.
3. The hardcore baptist: Total fucking retards. Owe more to the backwoods rapist from "Deliverance" than John The Baptist. The type of person who WOULD bomb an abortion clinic. See the film "Jesus Camp" for more info on this class of baptist.
1. A friend of mine is baptist. Doesn't mind that I'm open to all genders, and understands the need for abortion to be legal. He is a well adjusted baptist.
2. The people on my swim team. Reguraly ridicule me for being liberal, and refuse to come into contact with me, as they think I have some disease. They are semi-hardcore baptists.
3. The people who beat me up at a wrestling meet for saying evelution is more convincing than creationism. One of their moms later threatened me, too.