Ass cancer stages:
Stage 1 - Wanting to not get up from your chair for days
Stage 2 - Twitching of the gluteus maximus
Stage 3 - Black hole appears inside of the anus and sucks in all organs causing the person to die in a matter of seconds.
Yeah, sadly he developed stage 3 of ass cancer.
"Ahhhh! Who did that? It's awful!"
"Sorry, dude. I've got a bad case of ass cancer today."