American Football is the name given to a mass homoerotic orgy masquerading as a sport. It is only exceeded in man-loving gayness by the similar psuedo-sport of Wrestling. The main objectives of American Football are to:
1) Provide an extended opportunity for exceptionally fit and muscular men to run toward each other and proceed to grope and hug one another.
2) Provide many opportunities for selected football players to watch their spandex-wearing cohorts bend over and symbolically pass a turd-shaped object through their legs.
3) Provide an excuse for the entire football team to get naked together and shower in private.
Most players of American Football like their sex-play rough, as is evidenced by the nature of their activities while dressed up in fetish-wear for the occasion. Padding is used, particularly around the shoulders to give the men an exaggerated look of masculinity that adds to the raw erotic power they display to both their teammates and the opposing team.
Surprisingly, most participants and fans of American Football do not embrace their obvious homosexuality as readily as they embrace other participants/fans. Most will even deny any hint of homoeroticism inherent in the activity, despite its gaiety being greater than that of most civic Gay Pride parades. This paradoxical aspect is thought to enhance one's enjoyment of the activity, and could perhaps be seen as a type of role-play where gay men pretend to be heterosexual while engaging in or watching one of the most gay activities ever devised.
Man 1: "Did you see that American Football tackle!?"
Man 2: "Come here, you!!"

Other Man 1: "I'm going to the American Football game, dressed in a satin jersey because I like the way it rubs against my nipples when I cheer."
Other Man 2: "I'm going to the American Football game wearing seductive and sexy bodypaint over my exposed torso."
Other Man 3: "Come here, you guys!!"
by Mike and not Spike October 24, 2006
Probably the most boring sport in the world. People standing around for minutes on end in silly science fiction costumes and occasionally running for a few seconds. Far too many rules and not enough flow. About as exciting as watching people play chess. Watch real football (the most popular sport in the world, for good reason) if you crave real excitement.
Patient: Doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping.
Doctor: Just watch some American Football and you'll be asleep in a few minutes.
by midnite serpent September 24, 2007
A very intense game played primarily by people in the United States. Played much like rugby except there is stopping the play after a tackle and forward passes are legal which adds an interesting aspect to the game. Many consider it to be a pussy sport because of all the pads. I've played the sport and believe me, the pads suck and get in the way. But if they didn't exist then we would probably have football related deaths in the hundreds and no one would play. Europeans are quick to point out that rugby players don't wear pads. This is because rugby is a more fluid game and the hits aren't nearly as hard. In American football, once the ball is snapped, everyone explodes from their position and goes full speed full strength for about 15 seconds or so. When the bodies clash there is a huge force of impact because everyone is going so hard. Then they wait another 20 seconds or so, catch their breath, and go out and do that again. The stress on the body would be too much without the pads. Also, in football everyone is hitting someone on every play. Where as in rugby everyone is spread out more. And it's more about staying in position and running. Both are entertaining to watch, but I like football better just because there is much more hard hitting and crazy action with the forward pass.
There is a fine line between toughness/manliness and utter stupidity. If american football players wore pads, then everyone would sustain life long injuries or die on the field. Rugby players wear no pads and think they're hot shit for it. I hope it's worth getting teeth knocked out and using a motor chair for your whole retirement.

Theodore Roosevelt (president of U.S. 1901-1909) wanted to BAN american football because it was considered too dangerous and too many deaths resulted from it.

If you watch this game, you will find there is a lot of adrenaline and excitement packed into every play.
by Charny3 June 22, 2010
The pussy sort where fat and ugly men get a chance to play with balls and touch each other! Also it isn't unknown for football players to get on top of each other!
Fat Guy: Dude, do you play american football?

Cool Guy: No, I'm not gay and i can run for more than 5 seconds.
by soccerguy May 10, 2008
A stupid game for twats who are too pussy to play rugby. The players wear major protective gear so they don't mess up their 'perfect' hair and bend over pretending to throw the ball through their legs while another player stands behind them and gives them anal. There's nothing wrong with gays but there's a time and a place to be bumming a guy.
Guy 1: "Hey, do you want to play American Football?"
Guy 2: "Oh, sorry mate, I'm not gay"
by its stupid June 11, 2010
a crappy and frankly, mind numbingly boring sport that only fat-shit Americans play because they lack the athleticism and skill of Rugby or Football(soccer).

fans are typical dull witted Neanderthals with beer bellies that dont understand what a proper sport it. fans typically love to brag about "how big and mean Ray Lewis" is but noone buys it. i would love to see Ray Lewis get run the fuck over by Pierre spies of South Africa.

Americans love to give their teams some special patriotic meaning but and to hype up their status such as "world champions" and all but not a single person gives a shit about American Football outside of the US.
typical American Football Supporter: wow look at this guy! he has been able to run for a whole 10 seconds! AMAZING!

decent human being: the fuck man?
by Springbok lover December 18, 2009
A sport similar in origin to Rugby. As an American, I've played both, and they're both good sports. Football is a complicated game, but here are some examples of rules:

11 men on the field at a time (on offense, you need at least 7 people on the line of scrimmage, and a Quarterback to receive the snap to start every play).
Players on offense are broken down into many positions, the main ones are Quarterback, Running back, Full back, Wide Receiver, Tight End, Tackle, Guard, Center.
Players on defense are broken down into 3 levels, Linemen, Linebackers, Defensive Backs. Lineman normally consist of Ends and Tackles. Linebackers usually consist of Inside and Outside Linebackers. Defensive backs usually consist of Cornerbacks and Safeties.
Teams also use kickers and punters on special teams.
The object of football is to advance the ball downfield by passing and running.
There are multiple ways to score, touchdowns (6 points), Point After Conversions (1 point), 2-point conversions (2 points), Field Goals (3 points), and Safeties (2 points).
A touchdown occurs when the ball is advanced to the endzone. After this, a team can elect to kick a point after conversion, or run a play from 2 yards out to try to pick up 2 points.
A Field Goal occurs when a team kicks the ball through the uprights.
A Safety occurs when the defensive team tackles the ball carrier inside their own endzone.
The field is 100 yards long.
The current World Champs are the New England Patriots, though the Indianapolis Colts look the strongest thus far in the season.
Tom Brady is an American Football player, David Beckham is a soccer player.
by BentleyRugby October 28, 2005

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